Thank you Angel

Realization took my cold broken hand
Warmed it up,
And even though my hand was warm,
It stayed with me.
I thank my god for who he sent to me,
When will i be able to return the warmth
That has been shared with me?
Somehow you pierce my soul with those words of yours,
And warm me from the inside out.
Im amazed at how i got to be so lucky
I have an angel here on earth with me.
A beautiful, wise, intellegent, angel.
She inspires me
She makes me smile
She can bring me thoughts i would have never known
She holds me tight
She listens when i need
She is always there for me.
My angel i want to be,
I look up to her more than i can even say.
She is a gift from above and now i sorta see
Why my life had to get challenged...
It is so that i could get my angel, my angel i love so much.
But how can i return the miracles she has brought to me?
I dont really know,
But im going to think long and hard,
And never give up until i find how
Cause she diserves the best of the best treatment
The best of the best reward
The best of the best life
The best of the best husband
The best of the best kids
The best of the best everything
For helping me the way she has.
I love you angel, i love you so much,
I will be here for you if ever you need.
Cause that is all i can really offer, for the time being.

I have an angel here on earth with me,
Who i love so very much...
I have an angel here on earth with me...
And i call this beautiful girl, lexi.
Thank you Angel

Unexpected Sightseeing

116 - 101
Im scared at what is happening,
I looked down and its so much different.
Mountains across my skin.
Where did i go?

116 - 101
And i am scared of how low that number will go
Cause i didnt even realize,
So how do i stop it
Where did i even go?

116 - 101
Im scared so scared.
The numbers go down as the bottle numbers go up
So now what?
Where do i go?
The same place 15 went?

116 - 101
And im scared of where im going,
Bottle after bottle
One after the next,
Those candies just slide right down my neck.

116 - 101
And im not even me,
Mountains and valleys where plains are supposed to be
Blue after green after white after yellow,
It doesnt really matter what order
They all go inside this screwed up geography
But really that low already?
116 - 101
And i keep asking
Where did i go?

Prickled Journey

Sick of darkness,
Show me the light,
Im on the path of redemption
Pulling my feet under my body
My heavy body.
Sick of the negative
So im looking for positive
Pulled out my map and
Im headed for the treasure
Had to leave some things behind
Cause i cant carry them on this path
But ill come back for them if i need
After my treasure is found
My treasure is important to me
Cause it will be the first thing in a while
Ill have found something for me
Im leaving this all behind
Pushing through this no matter what
Im sick and tired of being stopped
By the things that have come my way
So nothings stopping me from finding
My long forgotten treasure.
Nothing is gonna stand in my way
Im finding this treasure
So i can find me.

Fire and Brimstone

I did it because i needed to. So dont you get mad. You did this to me, put me through it and then you werent there for me once again. So i wondered why im sticking around. You did this to me and now i have to heal myself cause you come short, although you try. The situations sticky i understand that. I really do. But it forced me to say goodbye. Cause that would be best for me. Something i often overlook but not this time. It was right. Or at least i hope so. "i've been through hell and back for you steff!" I believe that too, what your going through cant be easy either, but you did that to yourself and dragged me along for the ride placing me in hell too and even though your trying to help me out, its not enough, im still burning here, so im finding someone else who will have the power to help me out. Im sorry that this is how it has to be. Maybe if we both find our way out and get some space between us, we could bump into eachother along the traveling road someday. But not any time soon, cause as happy as you make me right now, you, after all, were the one that put me in hell, and that is hard to forget, when im still buring inside.

Paying for Nothing

Its not worth its stupid ups and downs.
So happy, then so sad
I need a new start
Its not worth this crazy roller coaster ride.
One day everything is fine,
The next a new situation sits in front of me.
I need out
Its not worth all this pain and hurt.
Tugging pulling shaking and sighing
I need someone new.
Its not worth what you have put me through
I keep asking myself why i stay
I need to just tear myself away.
Its not worth all the gallons of tears i have shed
One second i am happy but if you arent neither am i
I need to escape, try something new.
Its not worth all the painful thoughts you have given me
How i have to always be so strong for you
I need you too be stronger.
Its not worth all the guilt i have
Sorry for anything, cause happy is how i want you
I need to realize what im doing to me.
Its not worth the neglect that i have been given
I need you to realize that you have to treat me better
Or Its not worth it to me,
To continue to strain my head and everything i have
With everything i have left of me to keep this fragile situation
From breaking once again.


Maybe that would be good for me.

Dont Go

Help me see why its happening this way.
I need you here for me today.
And now that you have to go away,
Im really stuggling today.

Watching the Ground

Would you just let me be,
I hate that way you look at me,
I never thought i would have this problem
But you never seem to stop and it doesnt help.
Why do you look at me with those black eyes,
Give me those looks that i dispise...
One look and my whole being is different.
You change me in ways i dont like,
So please stop.
Im sorry for anything i did.
I didnt even know that you were upset at me,
I didnt know,
But those looks of hatred dont help who i am,
So look away with those eyes of black
I dont have a problem with you,
Realize that, please just stop,
Think about what you do.
Cause when you look at me with those eyes
I cant stop looking down.
Im watching the ground
When im around you.

Im not deaf

Seeing Smelling Tasting Touching,
Hearing is not any different for me.
I can hear you as you say your sorry.
I can hear you when you say
You never ment to hurt me the way you did.
I hear you. Loud and clear.
I do not doubt that you are sorry,
Cause i know that you are.
I hear those words every time you say them.
I hear them every time.
I love to hear those words.
But hearing them is hard, still. No matter what or how many times its shared.
I hear the crack in your voice as you are hopless,
Cause i can see that you have no idea what to do.
What to say, how to fix it so it will go away.
And when i hear you, i want to scream i love you, i am sorry too,
But you are right, and i have no idea why, why i keep doing this,
I tell myself to stop stop it... but i never turns out that way,
Because i am scared to be treated that way again...
It doesnt make sense i know,
But maybe just maybe if i can keep this tention here,
That you will feel bad enough for what you did and never do it again...
I know you wont and that is why it doesnt make sense.
But i have been so hurt like you said, just like you said.
I heard that word depressed or sad. Lost confused or mad. Take a pick.
I am those words.
But i know you where those terrible words first,
The words of sadness and confusion and hurt and pain.
I know you were those words first, so why do i press them?
Cause, well because,
I am still hurt and working on the process of
Collecting my heart and putting it back together.
The one that two people i love, tore apart.
So im sorry it is taking so long,
I hear those words that come my way.
I hear them but it still doesnt change how hurt
How different
How sad
How upset i am about all this.
I am trying my hardest every single day,
To make all this crap we have been through go away.
Cause the situation is in my hands,
I wouldve never taken it
But i have to find space to put it down.
I am trying.
I am trying.
Trying so hard.
I want to respond to those words i hear,
With words that you can.
But be patient with me,
Give me that cause right now that is all i need.
All i need,
I heard those words ringing in my head everyday,
I hear them loud and clear.
And they are the words that push me forward to fix this.
So now use your ears,
I love you,
Give me time.
I am not deaf
Cause i hear those words.