Friday, February 19, 2010
Flying Steps
Today i was walking to that one place i love.... With every step a beat to match my content heart. Walking to ease my already calmed soul, meditation maybe, absoluetly enjoyable? Yes. Like a movie was playing my head as i walked to the voices in my ears, singing their enjoyable tunes. How i love to walk walk walk. Especially on days like today. When the wind is blowing my hair, but hardly at all. As the coldness reminds me of my nice warm sweater - and that makes me think of a big warm hug... And the snowflakes drop down on my nose until it is crinkled and wet...They stuck to my eye lashes blocking a perfect view, but i loved it. Every second of it. As i passed this little place i call home, where the leaves on the trees sing songs of joy and the white picket fences are a little worn down. Thinking to myself how truly wonderful it is that i can even walk through this area of a place we call earth. I lift my head up to the sky to thank the one that made all that i was passing, and saw a little bird flying in the breeze, and even though i was walking, that was me. As free as the bird. I passed a large beautiful tree with its roots coming out of the side walk, just wanting to be free, it was a magnificent sight but i was the bird not the empressive tree. Although the tree was large and profound, i was Free like the bird, i would never be held down, I was on top of my world just enjoying the life all around little old me. I must have walked home with a big goofy smile on my face the whole time cause my cheeks hurt when i arrived to my favorite destination. My nose cold kissed and a rosy appearance to my face, i was a free little bird just happy to have whatever was here for me. 
Monday, February 15, 2010
Mother Nature Wears Perfume Too
The sky turns gray from a vibrant bright lovely blue. As the clouds roll over the picture perfect summer backdrop, only one thought runs through my head. The white fluffy clouds that you find animals and smiles and stars in are now a mass of gray, a welcomed gray. These clouds mean one thing, rain. The sweet wonderful earth quenching rain. What a wonderful gift from god. Rain. It cleans even the most far corners of the earth, every single nook and cranny. So wonderful. it brings a feeling of letting go, of breathing of just sitting and taking in earths natural perfume- cause that is what rain is too, the most glorious smell. Clean. Like it is a new blank canvas after a storm, white and pure. A clean sheet out of the dyer. Or a block of molding clay, just ready to be reshaped once again. Rain, every emotion in the rain feels ten times stronger and i cant explain why, but its true. Maybe that is because it is falling down on you, and every thing you feel inside is now falling down on you from the heavens above... that same place that gave you the feelings from the inside... who knows? Puddles gather in the cracks and collect the wonderful perfume. Of course now i must go jump in them cause then i can feel like the earth, clean. Pure. Blank and ready for my new shape. I love the taste the smell the feeling the emotion the charater of rain. Rain inspires me to do things like walk my silly little doggy, or go on a run in my shorts with my ear muffs. Rain inspires me to sing at the top of my lungs and dance around like a fool but i dont even care cause it is the beautiful feeling that the rain provides my little soul. Rain inspires me to clean my room or wash my hair, do something spontanious or clever. Rain to me is so refreshing i feel like i jumped in a can of sprite. Just too wonderful to even describe. Oh i hope that the rain persists cause i love how the earth is when it rains. I love the person that i am when it rains. Happiness seems to slow down and you feel it for so much longer in the rain. And sadness reflects in the puddles on the ground in the rain. The rain knows who i am and i know it well too. How i love the rain. I just might move to seatle.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
The Perfect Excuse for a Holiday
Basically.... its Valentines today.
Also known as Single awareness day...
The day were you know if have someone or not...
Even if you dont care... you still know by the end of the day.
Its stupid you see, this whole holiday we celebrate today...
Well the idea of love and all it great dont get me wrong,
But really do we need a day were we all get all smoochy?
Do we need a day when all couples everywhere are all seen everywhere?
Do we really need a candle lit dinner and a bear hug teddy bear?
Ya i didnt think so...
This wonderful day was made for all the card companies
And all the chocolate companies that wanted more money.
Silly if you ask me. Just silly.
I dont need a single day for love, or a single day to show love.
I dont need flowers or cards or chocolates either.
For me i would rather have a little love everyday then one big thow up vomiting of love today.
Good company, friends, smiles and giggles show me love.
That is simply all i need.
So really everyday should be the feeling of beloved Valentines day right?
Hmm... oh well, maybe im just silly with my points of view...
But that is just me, silly old me and this is just valentines day,
Silly old valentines day.
I think i will try to incorperate the feeling of valentines into everyday life,
cause everyone seems to be happy when someone has shown they care.
So here i go to show the world love, every single day.
Not just today....
Oh you silly silly holiday!
Also known as Single awareness day...
The day were you know if have someone or not...
Even if you dont care... you still know by the end of the day.
Its stupid you see, this whole holiday we celebrate today...
Well the idea of love and all it great dont get me wrong,
But really do we need a day were we all get all smoochy?
Do we need a day when all couples everywhere are all seen everywhere?
Do we really need a candle lit dinner and a bear hug teddy bear?
Ya i didnt think so...
This wonderful day was made for all the card companies
And all the chocolate companies that wanted more money.
Silly if you ask me. Just silly.
I dont need a single day for love, or a single day to show love.
I dont need flowers or cards or chocolates either.
For me i would rather have a little love everyday then one big thow up vomiting of love today.
Good company, friends, smiles and giggles show me love.
That is simply all i need.
So really everyday should be the feeling of beloved Valentines day right?
Hmm... oh well, maybe im just silly with my points of view...
But that is just me, silly old me and this is just valentines day,
Silly old valentines day.
I think i will try to incorperate the feeling of valentines into everyday life,
cause everyone seems to be happy when someone has shown they care.
So here i go to show the world love, every single day.
Not just today....
Oh you silly silly holiday!
MEmory
By far one of my favorite poems someone has ever written....
i thank you. it has saved me.
Parachutes
There's a broken heart that can't be fixed tonight.Tomorrow, or the next day.And we the ones trying to fix it.Have run out of words to say. Words to heal.Words to explain, there's no more words to steal.Will her wound ever mend? will the scar disappear?Will the storm clouds she lives beneath clear?It breaks my heart, seeing hers destroyed.When she fell for him, her parachute never deployed.She fell to the ground, without a moment of thought.She hit rock bottom. And he watched as she fought.Struggling to survive, to find another breath.She's barely alive, barely escaping death.I kneel here on one leg, offering my finest prayer.Wishing for the best, as i streak my fingers through my hair,"Give her strength to move on, give her strength to find that sunny morning""Let her realize what she's getting into, so next time she'll remember without a warning""Help her feel the warmth of the summer season, and forget about winters treason""Help her become herself, and find the feeling we all long for""Open for her, another door."
honestly i cried to myself that someone would think of me.
i thank you. it has saved me.
Parachutes
There's a broken heart that can't be fixed tonight.Tomorrow, or the next day.And we the ones trying to fix it.Have run out of words to say. Words to heal.Words to explain, there's no more words to steal.Will her wound ever mend? will the scar disappear?Will the storm clouds she lives beneath clear?It breaks my heart, seeing hers destroyed.When she fell for him, her parachute never deployed.She fell to the ground, without a moment of thought.She hit rock bottom. And he watched as she fought.Struggling to survive, to find another breath.She's barely alive, barely escaping death.I kneel here on one leg, offering my finest prayer.Wishing for the best, as i streak my fingers through my hair,"Give her strength to move on, give her strength to find that sunny morning""Let her realize what she's getting into, so next time she'll remember without a warning""Help her feel the warmth of the summer season, and forget about winters treason""Help her become herself, and find the feeling we all long for""Open for her, another door."
honestly i cried to myself that someone would think of me.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Clocks Speak
11:11 make a wish...
you to come back like he did.
or the way that i am dreaming of my head.
you to mean what you say,
and not hurt another soul.
11:11 make a wish....
you would look me in the eyes like he did
and say the same words.
you would hold me tight like he did
and never let go even until we melted together
11:11 make a wish....
you would never never never have done what has caused this
that everything could just erase itself and go away
you would be the person i need and know i want
that my standards didnt have to be compromised to be with you
11:11 make a wish...
that she could be gone and that i could be
that it could go back back in time like we once were
that everything was simple and not complex
11:11 make a wish....
you can be john, and i will be savanah
we can write
and you will answer. truthfully...
11:11 make a wish....
and i wish that these things could happen in real life
by the kiss of the clock and the strike of the hand
11:11 make a wish....
that i will be able to forget.
forget.
forget.
please...
11:11 make a wish....
no more wishes, its childish and unreal...
this is how it is. and will be. grow up. its not changing.
not for me or anyone else...
I can kiss a clock or kiss you goodbye.
11:11 make a wish...
nothings changing, but the minute on the clock.
11:12 goodbye my wishes.
you to come back like he did.
or the way that i am dreaming of my head.
you to mean what you say,
and not hurt another soul.
11:11 make a wish....
you would look me in the eyes like he did
and say the same words.
you would hold me tight like he did
and never let go even until we melted together
11:11 make a wish....
you would never never never have done what has caused this
that everything could just erase itself and go away
you would be the person i need and know i want
that my standards didnt have to be compromised to be with you
11:11 make a wish...
that she could be gone and that i could be
that it could go back back in time like we once were
that everything was simple and not complex
11:11 make a wish....
you can be john, and i will be savanah
we can write
and you will answer. truthfully...
11:11 make a wish....
and i wish that these things could happen in real life
by the kiss of the clock and the strike of the hand
11:11 make a wish....
that i will be able to forget.
forget.
forget.
please...
11:11 make a wish....
no more wishes, its childish and unreal...
this is how it is. and will be. grow up. its not changing.
not for me or anyone else...
I can kiss a clock or kiss you goodbye.
11:11 make a wish...
nothings changing, but the minute on the clock.
11:12 goodbye my wishes.
Script Writing
When life gets you down write
When life is doing alright write
Life life life write write write
Movie Script ending dont really exist
So write your own life out.
Life so unpredictable write your own story.
Let it out and share your story!
Share whatever comes to mind cause it will just be a chapter.
No need to worry if you mess up...
Then next chapter can simply fix it.
Write until your head hurts
Until your hands cramp and your fingers cease
Write write write.
Write your own movie script ending.
When life is doing alright write
Life life life write write write
Movie Script ending dont really exist
So write your own life out.
Life so unpredictable write your own story.
Let it out and share your story!
Share whatever comes to mind cause it will just be a chapter.
No need to worry if you mess up...
Then next chapter can simply fix it.
Write until your head hurts
Until your hands cramp and your fingers cease
Write write write.
Write your own movie script ending.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Living the White
My point of view is totally altered.
Its weird.
For so long to think only one way. To want with all your heart only one thing. All the thoughts circling around in your head really orbiting this main thought. Your little heart keeps beating and pumping, working so hard thinking that it is one beat closer to the day something could happen. Walking each step thinking you are one foot closer to the dream on your horizon. Living each day to be 24 hours closer to what your whole body aches for. For so long thinking that way, its weird to not care after the span of 36 hours. It is so wrong in my heart but so perfect for my head. For so long i knew one thing like the back of my hand, i knew everything just about, i was an expert. I was a professional, even though finding out every bit of information hurt sometimes, i let it pass by cause i was fully invested. I thought i would be this genuis on a subject for the rest of my life. For so long i told my self i would be. And it is weird to think that i never really was the expert i thought i was. Its weird to have my whole life changed in a couple of days. Its weird that i want this too. Its weird that i dont want to live for one thing anymore, after only wanting it for soo long. It is weird to think a different mind set. Its weird that all my thoughts all my actions are different know. Its weird to be the girl that i was 2 years ago again... but i missed her, i missed her alot. I was held hostage in my head with all my own thoughts and dreams. Its weird to think that i couldnt let go before now. Cause i really did miss this old me. Its weird to think that i took all the nessecarry steps to really make this girl come back for good. For so long i thought that i was the same person just with a different desire. I realize now that even though my life is totally altered, my thoughts of me being the same person through all this was altered too. This has changed me. And that is weird to think. But i have to think about it. I really do.
It was good and bad. For so long it was good. For so long it was bad. But lessons are learned. They are. And its weird to think that i can over come this. Not because i have to, but because i want to. I miss the old me. And for a little while this will feel weird, and reflect the thoughts in my head, but this will ultimately be best for the little girl that has been trapped. That girl inside me screaming to come out, dying, gasping for breath... She is free. I will be free. I will not go back. I will not, all for the little girl inside me.
Fly little bloo bird, fly fly fly!
Spread your wings and come out of the shell that has been covering you. Fly and touch the sky.
Fly little bloo bird. Fly, fly, fly.
Never forget to fly.
Its weird.
For so long to think only one way. To want with all your heart only one thing. All the thoughts circling around in your head really orbiting this main thought. Your little heart keeps beating and pumping, working so hard thinking that it is one beat closer to the day something could happen. Walking each step thinking you are one foot closer to the dream on your horizon. Living each day to be 24 hours closer to what your whole body aches for. For so long thinking that way, its weird to not care after the span of 36 hours. It is so wrong in my heart but so perfect for my head. For so long i knew one thing like the back of my hand, i knew everything just about, i was an expert. I was a professional, even though finding out every bit of information hurt sometimes, i let it pass by cause i was fully invested. I thought i would be this genuis on a subject for the rest of my life. For so long i told my self i would be. And it is weird to think that i never really was the expert i thought i was. Its weird to have my whole life changed in a couple of days. Its weird that i want this too. Its weird that i dont want to live for one thing anymore, after only wanting it for soo long. It is weird to think a different mind set. Its weird that all my thoughts all my actions are different know. Its weird to be the girl that i was 2 years ago again... but i missed her, i missed her alot. I was held hostage in my head with all my own thoughts and dreams. Its weird to think that i couldnt let go before now. Cause i really did miss this old me. Its weird to think that i took all the nessecarry steps to really make this girl come back for good. For so long i thought that i was the same person just with a different desire. I realize now that even though my life is totally altered, my thoughts of me being the same person through all this was altered too. This has changed me. And that is weird to think. But i have to think about it. I really do.
It was good and bad. For so long it was good. For so long it was bad. But lessons are learned. They are. And its weird to think that i can over come this. Not because i have to, but because i want to. I miss the old me. And for a little while this will feel weird, and reflect the thoughts in my head, but this will ultimately be best for the little girl that has been trapped. That girl inside me screaming to come out, dying, gasping for breath... She is free. I will be free. I will not go back. I will not, all for the little girl inside me.
Fly little bloo bird, fly fly fly!
Spread your wings and come out of the shell that has been covering you. Fly and touch the sky.
Fly little bloo bird. Fly, fly, fly.
Never forget to fly.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Sinc(ear)ely,
Goodbye for good.
I wont say anything more cause that is all i have left to say. Honest this time. Im worn out. You truly are not good for me. And i have accepted that already. Goodbye for good. Dont come crawling back, I deleted you from my life already, And my last thought is..... Goodbye. For good. Dont come back. Your unwelcome. Goodbye for good. Im sick of this all... I need a new start. For good. Not going back, cause i have tried before, And it hurts more everytime i come back. How many times do i have to touch A hot stove and get burned to realize i have to stop reaching. I looked at my hands today, saddest sight. My hands dont work they are so scarred from this.... no more scarrs no more tears no more thoughts no more hurting... Goodbye for good. Im done. Im done. Im done. Goodbye i dont want you in my life anymore... I already feel better. And to be perfectly honest i dont care if this hurts you. You hurt me more than anyone. I watched you walk away but now I will glance away when our paths cross and pretend like i dont see a thing... just like you have done with me.
I wont say anything more cause that is all i have left to say. Honest this time. Im worn out. You truly are not good for me. And i have accepted that already. Goodbye for good. Dont come crawling back, I deleted you from my life already, And my last thought is..... Goodbye. For good. Dont come back. Your unwelcome. Goodbye for good. Im sick of this all... I need a new start. For good. Not going back, cause i have tried before, And it hurts more everytime i come back. How many times do i have to touch A hot stove and get burned to realize i have to stop reaching. I looked at my hands today, saddest sight. My hands dont work they are so scarred from this.... no more scarrs no more tears no more thoughts no more hurting... Goodbye for good. Im done. Im done. Im done. Goodbye i dont want you in my life anymore... I already feel better. And to be perfectly honest i dont care if this hurts you. You hurt me more than anyone. I watched you walk away but now I will glance away when our paths cross and pretend like i dont see a thing... just like you have done with me.
Goodbye for good.
Sincerly,
Someone forgetting you
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