Final Plea

Today is the day.
Every part of me is afraid.
At the end a final grade.
Please be careful what you say.

Shaking in my socks
The hours just slug by
With each minute another sigh
So i do my best to avoid the clocks.

You can do it,
It will all be fine.
Do this so you can be mine.
And in my life you can fit.

Today is the day.
Every part of me is afraid.
At the end, a final grade.
So please please be careful what you say.

Sedately Solemn

That sweet sound that tingles in my ear,

Those words i love to hear.

Could i be a luckier human being?

I dont think i could be.

Although not everything in life is set,

And some of the things that happen cause fret.

I Will still be happy.

Thanks to you.

I love the sincere meaning in the sound,

Simple words. Yet so profound.

What did i do to get this?

I just have no idea.

I am sorry to those who came arcoss this path,

But i had already figured out the math.

One plus one will alway be two,

I didnt want to hurt you.

I giggle when they enter into my head,

Cant help but replay what was said.

Where on earth did it come from?

Not from earth.

These words are from above,

Pure heart, pure love.

Give me that sweet sound that tingles in my ear,
Cause those words i love to hear.

Away, take me there.

Take me to that place we call the ocean.

Where the water meets the sand.

Take me to the place were the waves are free to do as they choose,

Where the birds fly to feel the breeze.

Take me to the place where the ground can move with you,

Where the sun shines everyday.

Someone take me to that place we call the beach,

Where i can surf the tide and the tears can fall,

But something will always be salter.

Take me to the waters edge where i can place my feet

And find a treasure from below.

Someone take me to that place that is free,

Beautiful and far away from here.

I want to feel the waves

Hear the crash and break of each one.

I want to feel the sand inbetween my toes,

Throw off my shoes and be free.

I want to leave is stupid town,

At least for a little while, maybe for a long while.

Take me to that place we call the beach.

I need to let go and be free.

Free from everything here that is binding me.

INjustice

Be fair,
I know you care.
I must be fair,
Becuase you care.

Look at those eyes and say what needs to be said.
Do i really have to say it? Can they stay in my head?

This is unfair to you,
And i am sorry too,
But i am not sure what i am doing,
In a new direction i thought i was moving.

This is like driving on a dirt road, when you can see the paved one.
Its like not wearing sunscreen as you swim and you burn up.
This is like looking at the seatbelt, but never wearing it.
Its like smiling, when inside your crying.

But it has to be this way,
So i can live another day.

Im so sorry that you are in the dark,
But he was the one that left a mark.
And i dont think you can.
This is all falling apart, my masterful plan.


Be fair,
I know you care.
I must fair,
Cause you care.





... well, sometimes life isnt fair.

1000 Words

I want to say what i feel.

I want to let it out, so i come here,

Then i dont even know how to say it to a wall...

This blank white box..

Type what you want.

I want to share....

But cant find the words...

You and me.

Selfdestruct

I am at battle with myself and myself only.

Go, no, stay.

Come, no, leave.

Love? no, like.

I am confused with my own thoughts.

Good, no, bad.

Talk, no, stay quiet.

I cant even let it out.

Shut up, no, talk!!!

Talk

Talk

Talk

Tell who needs to know.

Tell them.

Do it.

No,

Not again.

What am i doing?

Well, i am trying to heal myself...

When really i am not a doctor.

Its like asking for rain in the desert.

Or like eating strawberries to taste watermelon.

Its not working.

Just like it didnt work for you...

But should i tell you that?

Probably not.

Help.

Say what you feel, no, keep it in.

When do i know what to do?

Rarely.

I am at battle with myself, and neither side is winning,

I am at battle with myself, and i cant heal my wounds fast enough.

I am at battle with myself, trying to work it out,
I am at battle with myself, breaking down inside.

I am at battle with myself, and i cant find a way to win.

I am looking for the rain in a desert,

Eating strawberries for watermelon,

None of it makes any sense.

And that is why im at battle.

come out alive steff... please.

Monlasnhojsivart...

There is someone i care about very dearly,
And i am afraid, i cant play superwoman right now.
Right now.
When they need it most.
Everything unsteady in their life, and i cant even be there.
I wish i could reach out to them, like i have before.
But i dont know if i am a strong enough person to lift them up.

There is someone i care about deeply,
With all of my heart, but i am afraid, the tears will just have to roll,
For this lesson to be painted into our minds.
It rips my soul in half when i cant see them smile,
Knowing i could put one on that face so easily.
And yet i step back, not knowing if i am strong enough,
To lift the heavy load they carry with them as well.

There is a person, i think about everyday, My brain always plays their words all day long.
And i wish that i would have more words to ponder,
But i dont, because of them, because of me.
Dreams and hopes still sit in my body just holding on to the last link of trust.
But the link is holding up so much, when will it break?
Hold on little chain.

This is a person engraved on my heart.
But this break is tearing theirs apart.

My friend hold on, i believe in you
I know your heart is strong.
But you have to believe too.

Tear me Apart

Its hopeless when i open my mouth around you.

I May as well disapear,

Cause you wouldn't even notice if i left...

Well maybe you would but,

The only reason you would is because you needed someone to degrade.

Its hopeless to speak my mind or to tell you your being an ass,

Cause you only argue that i am dumb,

Young and dont know a thing.

Well the truth is you dont know a thing, cause you never ask simple questions.

"how are you steff?" "how was your day?"

Nope nothing. Not unless you are trying to find my faults.

And boy do i love that about you...

And maybe on the rare day when you do ask,

They are to find something wrong, my weaknesses and stupidity.

That is the only purpose.

And to me that is sad.

How did this happen?

You think i hate you, cause i dont talk to you as much as you would like.

But i dont, i just hate the feelings i get when we do talk, so i stay quiet.

Its an interigation of my life, when you ask.

Oh you found the falt? great.

Like i didnt already see it, but that is so nice of you to point it out again,

Then punish me for having it.

Although i am hesitant to admit, cause it may bite me hard later,

I do like it when you are gone during the week.

Cause i feel like a person, not a mistake when you are absent.

I just cant stand this any longer.

You and i always fight, mostly about how i am not to what your standards are.

And if i bring this up to you in person, i will be wrong.

You of course, will be right. Always.

So here i am writing, cause you cant talk back with my feelings here.

My solace.

So i hope you read these words soon, (and i know you will.)

Then maybe you can understand that almost everything i do, is to try to be a good person.

Although you dont see that, or admit it, that is what drives me.

You are so quick to nit pick but rarely ever say good job.

And if i had all the tears i have shed due to you back, i would have a swimming pool.

But i dont and i am dry to the bone.

So please, here me out, i love you.

Im trying so hard.

Please try to see that.

Please.

Please.

Please.

Open your eyes and see who i am,

And not, who im not.