Encore Anyone?

And yet again,

I feel at a dead end.

I speak my mind and you react much differently then i wanted.

I dont know what to do.

Can i say what i want?

I know i cant convince who you are, so now what?

I sit here and ponder,

I sit here and wonder,

I sit here and plead,

I dont really know what i do as i sit here,

But I feel almost numb,

And am curious to know what will happen next.

I am not a big fan of this game we seem to play.

But oh well, i play it with you.

And yet again,

I feel a dead end.

Farewell

What makes me jump my fingers across this keyboard anyways?
Its not that i love the words that show up,
Or the fact that it makes a click with every hop...
But it is the purest thing i know, that thing that happens when i do this...
Feelings. Emotions. Passion.
And that is why i do this skipping hoping and jumping dance
Its been awhile since i have let my fingers roam free on this trampoline of feelings
But it is okay cause with every hop i feel...
I feel
I feel
And i love it.


Today i write not to complain but out of graditude for the finer things that life brings...


As i look at my red toe nails on the green green grass they shine in the sun and my home made tattoo on my leg looks silly but i dont have to cover it up with jeans anymore ...


Summer runs through my veins



And i can hardly wait,
I feel like a little girl on christmas about to open the present i have always wanted.



Its coming, it almost here!


And what a blessing it will be to have this break...
Cause you see this year has been my hardest year ever.
I doubt i will ever have a harder year.
Understand I am not just saying academically but with everything.
Sure, studies were hard but certain things brought me to my all time low...
I was living in the dark when for others the sun was shining.
And as i look back now that the summer sun has hit my face and i am living in the sun too
I think back
To the cold of winter and heartache that has happened...


And oddly enough am grateful...


Even myself who is feeling these things is still slightly confused,
But you see i believe everything happens for a reason,
Leading you to the path you need to be traveling...



Summer will be yet another one of my new starts but it will feel ten times
Better this summer then any other i have had
And it is not because i have extravagent vacations planned or something to look forward to
But it is that sweet feeling of The race being over.
The amazing feeling of over coming something hard, and coming out on top.
I worked hard to even be the way i am now, and a good break will treat my soul well.
Payback for all the thing i have done.

I am grateful for the hardship this year that will let me enjoys this summer,
I am grateful for the opportunity to be given curve ball after curve ball that i know will be such a learning experience for the rest of my life.
I am grateful for all the tears i have shed, cause they make me able to understand the tears of my neighbor.
I am grateful for the trials cause they made me realize what really was important in life.
I am grateful for this year, although hard, because I have understood this world and the things it can bring.
I am grateful for this year that i have absolutely dreaded and hated most the way through because, now next year can be better, next year will be better.
I am grateful for those weird thing i have said,
They have shaped me to be the person i am today.
This year proved who i am and showed me myself.




I am grateful for those trials and hardships but please know
I would never do my sophmore year again... ever.
So mostly i am grateful for the chance for it to end



Here i come summer, my new start, my life renewed!
Here i come fields of grass, water recreation and sunburns!
Here i come world, i see you differently now and your beauty astounds me!



All in all,
Thank you trials
But
Goodbye year
And
Hello life!

Hometown Glory

The big yellow circle in the sky shines so bright.

Whispering to my skin of summer.

Pushing light fluffy clouds into my mind.

Every thing wonderful around this sun;

The birds chirping, flowers blooming, crysal clear blue skys,

Beauty.

The wind blowing... wind blowing.

Here comes the wind.

And white fluffy clouds in sight.

The artistic clouds come and paint the sky with imagination.

But all of mother nature's drawings and doodles cover the suns bright welcoming grin is.

The wind picks up, forcing its way into the clouds.

Those white fluffy coulds.

And those perfect white clouds start to bleed, bleed gray from the wind.

The gray infects the perfect being of my beloved soft cloud.

Covering my favorite smile, the wind picks up.

The world knows fear.

I feel the fear.

Infected by the gray, the cloud dies, and falls apart.

The once white clouds infects the earth.

Disease leaking to the innocent ground below,

No hope of being saved.

The once loved blue skys are covered, to dark to see them now.

We are dying from the disease leaked onto us.

Darkness fills the soul, darkness fills the heart, and like the cloud, i start to bleed.

I cant help but bleed, infected by the leak.

The rain sits inside me.

Forming puddles of my own poison.

Ready to infect you too.

Until,

That same wind that brought the world fear, blew it all away.

A glimmer of the suns smile shines through the dead clouds.

And even though the poison from the clouds has cover the ground,

It forms a remarkable thing.

From the pain, and from the sick,

A story.

A healing.

Beauty.

Even through the darkest of dark sickned clouds,

Beauty.

The rainbow shows, creating peace to the soul,

My sickened soul, my sickned heart.

And i am healing.

Before the storm, our world was pretty,

And now that the dark clouds have come and now are gone,

Our world is Beautiful.

Through the darkness comes the most beautiful things.

Even if we dont know why.

And i dont know why.