Sunday, November 28, 2010

Cold winters kiss

My memories flood back with my stories of the past,
The white winter gift was not quite so welcome in the year of last.
Cold chilling feelings came into my life with the pristine snow
The white winter gift burried my mouth... my own smile i did not know.

My mind so numb from the frost inside my soul
Fingers reaching for something warm to fill the hole.
Pounds shed and pills were taken...
Everything devoted to you... how badly i was mistaken...

But with every season of your life, each one proves a lesson...

My memories flood back with the stories of my past,
And i thank heaven above that the cold winters kiss did not last.
Cold chilling feelings are not welcomed at the door,
And i know this year i have no need to fear anymore.

My mind was cleared in the summer of this year,
When your light shown my way what i needed was clear,
Fingers reaching out for only the light,
And since you have been here everything in my life is right.

The memories are only a figment of my past,
Thank the star and the heaven above...
My cold winters kiss has not the power to last.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

snosreteP ehT

I remember the first time i saw that house.
You needed a ride home after school, i took you there.
Our friendship still starting out i was excited to see where you took residence.
We pulled up and i thought "i have seen this house before, but i never knew it was yours"...
I remember the first fime i went to that house- the house with the floating walkway.
It was to watch a movie in the "ghetto" theater out back.
I wandered around out back and fell in love with the green house.
So quaint, i didnt want to leave it.
I thought "wow, i like this place"...
I remember the first time i went into that house.
A new coat of paint was being spread across the walls.
Your darling mom standing on a ladder holding a brush in her hand.
Your dad installing something on the window wells.
Everyone helping and singing to the music.
I thought "i wish i could help paint"... but i was too embarrassed to ask if i could, and i sang the songs under my breath too embarrassed to sing out.
I remember the first time i felt what that house has to offer.
Directly after the wedding of a beautiful sister,
We sat on the couch, and i listened. just listened to the laughter.
Brothers and sisters, mom and dad, all just one big happy family.
I watched the blonde dancer do hand stands against the wall as she told a story
she had already shared it made me giggle...
I thought, "do i have to go?"...
And every time i have to part i think that same thing...
"Must i go?"
I remember the feeling of that house.
I remember the warmth it has to offer.
I remember how much i love it there.
I remember what i want my house to be like.
and most of all
I remember what happiness is like in that house with the floating walk.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Practically Prefect in Every Single Way

Walking through the grassy field he held out his hand for me to grab it.
Our fingers played twister and our mouths slipped into big smiles.
He said "you look beautiful"...
He said "i love your winter wear"...
He said "you are perfect, perfect for me"...

Our steps syncronized together i sang us a "walking" theme song.
He smiled and laughed at me when he told me he liked my song
His big warm hand held my little cold one to keep it warm..
Hinting to go a different way than we came, i decided to just go along with it (even though i knew it would take longer... who would mind a few steps when walking with an angel?)
We laughed, we talked about the first time we thought of eachother.
We laughed, we talked about our favorite cereals. - waffle crisp and honey bunches
We laughed, we talked about how dumb hummers were, and how crosswalks cost 5 cents each time you press the button.

Crossing the road we felt the cold air, and our noses were cold.
Losing day light we happily journeyed past the school near by.
You told me you had a secret for me.
I had one for you too.
Park 16 :)
I told him he was perfect... perfect for me.
I told him I have never in my life been happier.
I told him to run... "run forest run"... after me.
So of course he did and lifted my little brown boots off the green grass and spun me around.
We laughed and looked at eachother with our eyes smiling.

I am the luckiest girl in the world and i know this to be true.
You say you will never hurt me like he did, and i 100% believe you.

He said "i love you"
And i said... "I love you too"

Sunday, November 14, 2010

You are in my Shoe and Heart

The microwave beeped four times, and you took your cup out... you were smiling. Placing it on the tabel top. I showed you the chocolate mix in my favorite shiny can. One spoon full was mixed into your cup. "dont you want more?" i asked. you simply said "nope" and laughed a little as you sipped the hot water... then decided you did want maybe a little more. We both laughed...
I offered my home to you every day after school. And relentlesslly you came. Not becuase you didn't want to come. But for the reason you didnt want to intrude... But you would come and stay for a few hours just talking with me about the car wash, and how you would laugh at your silly old man of a boss.
We made chocolate chip cookies. You wore my lacrosse jacket cause we were freezing. You laughed uncontrollably when i spilled the twenty pounds of chips in the bowl and all over the counter and floor... You showed me something i still eat. with a big ol smile on that pretty face you told me of Mac and cheese with peas. We ate that every time we were together after school...
You came over to my house with a smile on christmas eve with a huge present for me. Laughing that contagious laugh when i took the paper off the box. For you had wrapped my present in a cat scratching post box, it was funny. Inside was my favorite gift of any i have recieved... a vintage bird cage. The door could not close. I hugged you for a long time after you told me to "never let anyone close that door."... i have never tried to close it...
I missed you, so i took a drive down to your house a half hour away, i picked you up. and we wandered around art city. Looking at all the quaint little statues around the town. We went to McDonalds... You ordered two apple pies and a vanilla ice cream cone. I ordered an M'M McFlurry. Us being us, we headed into the plastic play ground, passing the kids inside who looked at us like we were insane, maybe we were, but we ate and talked and smiled and laughed in that play house as we ate...
We went to the springville timpview state game together. You wore your red shirt you made in Mrs. Ormes sewing class. You painted blue on your face though. You kept on laughing as you cheered for both sides. Not wanting to be a traitor of any sorts. After the game you took pictures of me almost being arrested. Shreiks of laughed came from inside the car as you all watched me... We laughed all the way home...
At madisons we decorated sugar cookies, you of course had the most artistic cookies out of us all. Simple yet, beautiful. You wore your black and white vest, your bangs straight across your face and you looked stunning. We posed for cheesy picture of us and our cookies. You laughed when you looked at them. We were good at those cheesy faces.
The sleeping bags we brought in a laundry basket took us down the stairs. Laughing with each bumpy step. We slid down the stairs over and over. The bubble gum drink would quench our thirst after running up the stairs so many times. We got your mamma and pappa to do it with us. We all had pounding headaches after the hundred times of sliding down the stairs, so we all layed on the basement floor. Staring at the lights. Laughing about how silly that was... remembering when we used to do it as little kids... that night we were little kids in a big world, just having fun...
We put that suitcase in my backseat as we drove across the back roads looking for a place to burry it all... Both of us wearing skirts and sandals... We found a spot. Tucked in between the barn and the rail road. The shovels were long and heavy but we were determind. Digging and digging we made a deep hole, and put that suitcase inside. Shoving the dirt back over the top of the hole you said " you must burry your past"... and you were right... so we did...

You call me Steff fanny. I call you lexi loo in my shoe...

If i could say how much you made my life a bright and shining hope i would, but i owe you more than i can even say... Your life is hard your trials many... and sure i remember those hard times. The times i would cry on your shoulder as we sat out in the cold winter air. The time we went to the swings and you cried... you never cried... The days you felt like doing nothing but email... all the times we trusted one another. all the times we felt for eachother... But through it all you taught me the value of optimism... You had the weight of the world on your shoulder and all i could do was hold your hand through it all... but you showed me happiness in the mist of heartache. The smile on your face and the laughter in the air spoke to me so deeply and showed me two opposite things can co exsist... my heart will always hold the special place for you lexi loo... lexi loo in my shoe. dont give up girl. i am routing for you, and i know i am not alone... and neither are you.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

To my smoking hobo and crazy stalker,

Orange and blue cluttered my windows as i drove.
Headlights filled my rear view mirror,
And just got closer and closer until they dissapeared.
However, they were not gone, they were just under my car.
Peering through the "TBIRDS" out back, i saw him.
That crazy crazy man. Tailgating.

Now i dont like it really when someone rides my behind like that.
Alice doesnt like getting close to other cars.
So cause i was a little annoyed i slowed down, forcing that crazy man to stay very close.

This plan maybe backfired a wee bit, cause, then apparently us to cars were playing tag.
And this crazy man wanted to follow me around,
Stop when i stop,
Speed up when i sped up.

Yes Crazy man stop following me.
I lost him, But he tried to run a woman over to get to me and my crazy painted car.

Two days later...

Headed to my Alice with my little sister in toe.
6:00 am.
I open my car door and climb inside.
Court slides in to the passenger seat next to me.
One scary second later, our noses kick in, and the stench of smoke has been smelled.
Like clock work we frantically look at eachother and open the car doors.
My heart is pumping. My eyes quickly scanning to find the smell.
They dont succeed in finding the cause, but they see my car a wreck inside.
All money gone and everything once held in a pocket now thrown on the floor.
I got a new air freshner to try to mask the smell...
It has now worked but at first, smoke-vanillaroma... not a lovely scent.

Maybe alice is cursed, or maybe its the driver, but anywho, whatever it is.
Now i am parannoyed about locking my car. Always. And looking at license plates just in case..

Thank you smoking hobo, and Crazy stalker man.
ON the bright side.
You guys are at least a good story to share

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Some thoughts?

Lately i have been pondering what my future has in store.

Is it what i want?
What will come next as a trial?
Can i stick to the plan in my head?
Will i forget that in a year?
Can i please have this- my here, my now, forever?

Lately i have been realizing what it is i want in my future.

Friendship, love, affection.
Trust, family, respect.
Goals and achievements.

Lately i have been thinking of all the things that are amazing in my life.

Freedom from darkness.
My best friend, i am so lucky to have.
My girlfriends, my schooling, my car.
The beautiful world around me.
The chilled weather.

Lately i have been thinking.
Lately i have been happy.
Lately i have been me.
But mostly...
Lately i have been myself more than ever before.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

The leaves are my Story

Right now the earth is changing, the trees are telling a story. Its a story i know; It is my story. As the colors change on the bright green leaves to harvest orange, fire red, and sunshine yellow, my world is turned into a bright fall leaf. The change of season is responsible for the pigment, yet, the leaves welcome the change. Realization hits them with a colorful coat. A color they will wear proudly. With their new color they make a careful decent to the earth. The bright brave leaf lets go of what it knows, what shaped it, what made it grow, a brave leaf decides to be free. The leaf takes the plunge and gets swept away in the wind...

It was the change of season that made me free, that turned my color into a beautiful sunny yellow.

It was this change of season that made me free. With out my fall colors, i would still be hanging
on to that dying tree.