Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Hello my familliar stranger

I think about you alot now a days dear
Thinking its not too long until your actually here
You and I dont speak every day
But if we did this is what i would say...

I want you to know that i love you very much
That i think about you often
And i imagine your sweet gentle touch.

I want you to know that im always praying for you
That i wish for you the best
And i wonder if you think of me too.

I want you to know that your amazing and funny
That you're incredibly handsome
And that i honestly dont care if you have money.

I want you to know that im making me my best self
So that im everything you need
And so that who i am will match with yourself.

I want you to know that im excited for you and me
That just around the corner we will be
And that together we will be so so so happy...

I think about you alot dear
Where ever you are ...
Whoever you are...
Whatever you want...
Whenever i meet you... if its next year or five from now...

I want you to know that i love you very much and im proud of you already.
I really do pray for your happiness and for your safety and for your choices...
You mean more to me than alot of things right now, and i know that is silly but...
If your someday gonna be my everything, why not let you know that i love you...
cause i already know that i do. :)

My dear hubby, im excited to meet you- whoever you are.

(insert us here)

Sunday, September 25, 2011

This is the sound of Silence

I scream silence day by day.

from the start of this all i've swallowed my sadness.

from the begining of this all i've only cried in the corners.

from the first day i've tried to hide my torn heart.

from the begining of this all i've said sure whatever you say.

I scream silence everyday

My head yells to my heart to speak up you stupid girl.

But my heart yells back, no. It might hurt.

I scream silence day by day.

from the start of this i've tip toed around town

from the begining of this all i've been afraid of fear.

from this all happening i've taken in the tourment.

from the first day of this i've wallowed and let you walk on by.

I SCREAM silence everyday.

My mind wants to open my mouth and say how unfair this all is,

but my heart wants to break down and cry, afraid of making it worse.

So i scream my silence day by day.

Like a good little girl does.

keep it bottled up.

cause that way,

im the only one that has to deal with me...

why cant i just speak up...

when do i get my turn to speak,

when do i get a say in what happens..

when do i get to make a rule

when do i get to make you feel,

why cant i just say what i want too?

and i think i've realized why,

its because i am afraid of you...

Im afraid to make it worse,

Im scared to feel foolish.

Im afraid to be made fun of.

Im scared of what will be said.

Im afraid it wont make sense..

Im terrified you wont understand

I am scared that i will never speak up...

Why cant i just speak up...

Why must i scream my silence day by day?

Sunday, September 18, 2011


Pumping, pushing, driving me on.
Dont stop me.
I AM beautiful.
I AM funny.
I AM exciting.
I AM responsible.
I AM carefree.
I AM honest.
I AM Steffany Laurel Bird.

...And this is what gets me through...

Someday i will be loved and love so deeply.
Someday i will have a white picket fence.
Someday i will have little girls in piggy tails laughing with the dog in the yard.
Someday i will smile at sky the and remember what i thought would bring me happiness. Then i will smile bigger cause i am so much happier with what i have.
Someday i will read my personal poetry for strangers. They will snap.
Someday i will sleep under the stars next to my dream boat.
Someday i will make a dress that will look beautiful on me.
Someday i will write a book.
Someday i will read a book, in my home library.
Someday i will get in the car and just go go wherever the road goes.
Someday i will learn to surf. I will crash. I will taste salt water, but i will learn.
Someday i will run a marathon. then i will go sleep.
Someday i will visit new zealand.
Someday i will raise my children.
Someday i will get old and have sunday dinners for those that i love.
Someday i will learn to speak another language.
Someday i will have a bird. and he will live longer than 2 weeks.
Someday i will sing at my wedding and slow dance with my daddy.
Someday i will serve a mission.
Someday i will make cinnamon rolls on christmas.
Someday i will have spiral staircases in my home.
Someday i will kiss like they do in the movies in the rain.
Someday i will get over my fear of fish.
Someday i will take all day hiking but have a picnic on the top of a mountain.
Someday i will chase a rainbow.
Someday i will dance in the road like a loon but not care cause the moment was perfect for dancing.
Someday i will love my life even more than i do now.

Someday i WILL.

Someday is tommorrow.. and the next day... and four years down the road. Someday is when i decide, but its coming, No its here! Because i believe in me.

So stop! Get out of my way, i am on to bigger and better things. im leaving this behind. I buried everything in the back yard- Cause i dont need it. not one bit. I am me. I know what i want and that is all that matters. So stop get out of my way world. Cause my someday has arrived.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Hold me

You know when you give it your all and its still not enough.

When you hold back your tears even though its tough.

You know when you smile its becuase you know you shouldnt cry

When you gave it your all but your left alone to sigh.

Today was kinda hard for me.

I am okay... I know i will be.

But as for now i miss you and wish you would hold me.

You know when you give it your all but you come up short

When you've put in your due to lead, but your only support.

You know when your parents say "are you okay?"

And when a weak "yeah" is all you can say.

Today was kinda hard for me.

I am okay, or at least i know i will be.

But as for this moment i wish you would hold me.

You know when you give it everything you got

But still in the backround you get caught.

You know when you tell yourself not to let it get to you

But you cant let the negative thoughts pass through...

Today was kinda hard for me i will admit.

But you know its in these days

We have to remember how beautiful we are.

That we are golden stars.

Just waiting to shine our rays.

Its this kind of day were you must just change your perspective alittle.

You should realize that life can and will be rough

So i suggest...

Pray to daddy to help you through...

He knows when you give it your all and its not enough

... but he also knows its not as rough if you follow the path he made for you...

Today was alittle hard for me.

I will be okay.

But im still gonna say,

I wish you could hold me... until im fully okay.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Guardian Angels

Over 3 thousand angels went back home ten years ago.
Daddy called them home without warning...

Today as i have thought of what has already been stated about this day, i thought of something that i would like to share. I dedicate this to those mothers who are crying today thinking of their lost son or daughter. I dedicate this to the children of the valiant firefighters. I dedicate this to the widows who are alone today. I dedicate this to the angels of 9/11. Daddy loves you, and your angels look down to watch over you today.

From the 87th floor a man waved his coat from the window. Flames where at his ankles and smoke above his head. In his last moments of life he threw his coat and took the determind step to attempt to climb down the 87 floors... when his fingers lost their grip daddy carried him home...

A father ran into the ruins to find his son, hoping that with every dust covered face his sons would be the next... The father was a fighter. A fire fighter. But he never found that familar face again. Daddy took his son home.

Smoke filled a feild in virgina... the men on the plane called their wives to say "dont worry, i love you" then they flooded the cockpit... they flew home to daddy.

The street littered with shoes made a muslim man stumble. He fell on his face. The tower fell behind him waiting to devour his body under its mass... but A jewish man ran by him and turned around, he held out his hand and helped a muslim man get up... his only words were "come on brother"...

Today is a day to remember those who fought. Today is a day to remember those who helped. Today is a day to remember what life is really about. It is a day of reverence.

When faced with a trial it shows who we really are. Ten years ago today, many changed their view on the world.

There is a sight just across the street from ground zero that i have been too. Tears are the only appropirate thing when you see the walls of ruins. When you see the names of the angels writen on the walls. When you see the ten thousand paper cranes made by the victims family members.

There is a real feeling of despair.

But life is not about despair. It is not about what you have lost or what you do not have. To me everything in life happens for a reason, and this day ten years ago, brought america together. It brought detemination. It brought change, re evalutaion of ones self. To me 9/11 was not to bring america to its knees but rather to make us stand and stand strong for something we care deeply about.

Over 3 thousand angels went home because daddy wanted them back.

Today i reflect on what i would have done if i were there that day.. Today i see the world differently. And i want to be different too... I want to be a fighter, like the father looking for his son. I want to brave like the man climbing the burning building. I want to tell those i love, that i love them because i'll never know when i will lose them. I want to help out my fellow brothers and sisters live and escape the deepest of dispair.

I dedicate this, my life, to those who went back to daddy trying to be like him.

To those who lost a loved one this day... they did not die in vain, they represent this beautiful place and strong nation of americans. They are the heros in our lives. Dont worry they are with daddy being our gardian angels.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

I named him August.

I had a bird for 17 days once.

He had ice blue feathers and a few little purple ones on his head.

He had these little eyes with teenee tiny little eye lashes.

I would hold him on my fingers and he would cock his head to the side and chirp.

I had a bird once and he made me quite happy.

I named him: Little August Bird. (quite fitting wouldnt you say?)

His feathers reminded me of the clear august skys.

He made me happy like the August sky did

He was my little life i was responsible for.

And i loved August very much.

Little August bird lived for only 17 days in my care.

He was supposed to live for 12 years...

He died one day out of the blue...

I wasnt expecting it in any way shape or form...

But he left me.

I Buried him in the backyard next to a pile of wood and a rose bush.

I put rocks over his little birdy grave.

I said my words and shed my tears.

and it was over... he was gone.

I went to visit my little birds grave the other day, and a little flower was growing next to him...

A little "where the red fern grows" moment.

It was beautiful. And it made me feel peace.

It got my thoughts going...

August represented more than just a bird to me.

He was named after what made me the happiest girl in the world.

He represented that time when i grew wings and few too.

He was my symbol of love, that i was watching grow every day.

No matter how short or how suddenly it ended i loved August.

August was me. August was you.

I named that little bird August.

And even though we didnt make it to August together.

I am realizing that flowers grows in the oddest of places.

And that its okay cause when August had to go...

I know it was our time too...

Flowers grow in the oddests of spots. There is one on my heart.

And i know that i must not let my wings fail. The wings i grew in August must not go to waste.

I will fly because that is what August would have wanted.

Its what i want.

...just becuase one thing dies does not mean i should stop flying.