Sunday, November 29, 2009

Running Water

Every tear is another drop in the bucket.
And i wonder if you can see the flood.
Cause the buckets over flowed and its turned into a pool.
Do you know that you are the one that turned on the tap
Connected it to the hose and then left.
Do you know that its you?
Im drowing in my own tears
That you unknowingly truned on.
What a way to die,
What a way to stuggle through life,
But you probably dont even know what you have done to me,
My life is 10 tons of weight
And you dropped me in a pool of tears,
Drowing drowning slowly as the water seeps inside me,
There isnt a life guard on this pool side so deeper i go,
Farther away from reality and the world that i love so much.
I hate this so much, more than anything,
And then i look at your face and well,
I cant say it.
I wont say it.
I dont say it.
That you hurt me so bad
And how i am struggling
Every single day with everything i do.
How i am trying to swim in this pool of hurt
This pool of betrayal and trust issues
Why cant i just spit it out
And tell you what you did.
Make you turn it off
Stop the water from flooding everything
Have it all be gone?
Cause well,
The tap handle broke
There is no way to stop the water that has been running
I cant drag you into this pool to struggle next to me
That would hurt me even more
And it would make you hurt too
So i keep my words to myself as i desend
Into the pool of tears that i have cried,
To save you from drowning too...
All because I love you.


Hold me hold me hold me tight.
Tell me everything will work out just right.
Hold me hold me hold me tight.
Tell me everything will be okay
That soon this pain will go away
And Tommorrow will be a better day.
Hold me hold me hold me tight.
Keep me put together cause im falling apart
Tell me this pain wont destroy my heart.
Hold me hold me hole me tight.
Wrap your fingers up in mine,
Tell me that i will be fine.
Hold me hole me hold me tight
And show me that you will stay
Cause i need you more and more every single day
Lately they have all seemed so gray.
Hold me hold me hold me tight
Be the sunshine that i need or
Help me plant a happiness seed
Hold me hold me hold me tight.
Tell me everything will work out just right.
That i wont have to fight in this fight, for much longer
That i wont have to cry myself to sleep at night.
Cause you're here.
Hold me hold me hold me tight.
And everything can be alright.

Friday, November 27, 2009

Small Hand Days

Little tiny hands stretched out looking for a person to hold them,
A place they feel safe,
A wonderful caring being to make them giggle and smile.
Little bitty laughs through a small tiny mouth.
Just a funny look and there whole life is fantastic.
Happiness never far away when your cared for.

Slightly bigger hands crawl along the floor,
Finding many different wonderful things,
Just a shiny thing will make them smile,
Laughter fills the room as it is thrown, then picked up once more.
Happiness found when a new object is, everything is hunky-dory

Growing hands play with a hotwheels car or barbie,
There imagination running wild, along with there legs,
Everything spinning around them,
Candy cookies fun and more,
A new toy satifies the simple little child.
Happiness comes with a smiling doll or fast car.

Bigger hands find a pencil and paper,
Writing little notes back and forth,
Being sneaking and grown up, no one even seeing
On top of the world because they can hide something
Happiness coming from becoming older.

Almost full grown hands reach out for a cell phone
Fasinated by all the lights and sounds
Messages and calls. All the things that you recieve.
Feeling so "in" and no longer childish
Happiness coming from a cell phone and friends.

Full grown hands reach out, for another person
Hoping some other hand will fill in the spaces left on theirs
Wanting to just be independant and important to someone
Happiness coming from somone else.

Full grown hands holding anothers,
Feeling so loved and included feeling so big
Playing around and being flirty
How fun it is to be holding anothers out streched hand,
Happiness coming from a significant other.

Full grown hands sit empty on a lap, wondering.
Why they even wanted, what they once wished would come
So much pain and so much sorrow
Where are the fun good old times when life was happy?
Happiness coming... is it coming?

Full grown hands are wishing they were small
Full grown hands want to be reaching and cared for
Full grown hands want to hold a shiny thing and be happy
Full grown hands want cell phones and friends to do the trick
Full grown hands wish that writing could fix all this pain
Full grown hands wish that they were small
Full grown hands need happiness to come from anything or anyone
Full grown hands with nothing in them want happiness back
And when hands were small, happy was what you were...

I want my small hands back.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Gratitude Turkey

When did it become bad to say thank you to someone, when did it become acceptable to not say it at all? Americans suffer from a serious issue, ingratitude. Thanksgiving really brings out the good in us… But it lasts a short time, one or two holiday seasons. When we are right back to our old ingatifying ways. I want to try and make gratitude more than just a seasonal thing, I want to make it everyday thing… Think about it. We have so much to be grateful for….

I am grateful for a wonderful family that cares for me, and will help me through any hard time I have. Have you ever thought of haw many people have lost their family… or don’t have a family that even cares about them?
I am grateful for a nice bed, to sleep in and to keep me warm, there are so many people in this world that have never even seen a mattress like I sleep in every single night..
I am thankful for a working healthy body, one that I can move around in and love, one that doesn’t restrict me or restrain me.
I am thankful for the food that I have to eat, for all the many different kinds for all the wonderful tastes and flavors. For all the textures and sizes, varieties galore yummy to fill my tummy.
I am so grateful for music that I can listen to, and fill my head with melodies and powerful words.
I am thankful for the computer that I sit at, and all the other modern technologies that just sit waiting for me to use them.
I am so thankful for the shoes on my feet and how they protect me from the cold hard ground.
I’m grateful for the clothes on my back to keep me safe and protected.
I am so glad to have a loving puppy that will lick my face and feet, just because I am home.
I am thankful for the education that I have received and for the knowledge that I know.
I am grateful for the school that I attend, for all the spirit it holds and enthusiasm for itself.
I am grateful for the car that I get to sit in as it takes me from place to place, saving me miles of travel by feet.
I am thankful for the neighborhood I live in, for all the kind people that surround me saying hi when I get home.
I am so grateful for that comfy chair I have sitting next to my desk.
I am thankful for the heating and air conditioning in my house to make sure I am always comfortable.
I am glad to live in Provo Utah, sheltered as it is, I love the people and the feelings I get when I come back after a trip. It is such a wonderful place.
I am thankful for the electricity that runs my house when it becomes dark and scary.
I am so thankful for the friends that I have, and how they build me up when I get down.
I am grateful for the gift of love that I have received, from just about everyone.
I am thankful for the presence of those who keep me happy.
I’m grateful for that smile that sits on his face knowing that he is happy.
I am thankful for pictures that capture memories in my life and make it worth remembering.
I am so thankful for the church I have in my life, for the power of prayer, and for my big brother who I always know will be there for me.
I am so grateful for the job that my daddy has, keeping us closer than ever, and letting us live the way we do.
I am thankful for clean water and a place to take a shower,
I am grateful for cleaning supplies, that keep away the gunk and germs.
I am thankful for the medicines that keep others and me strong alive and on track.
I am so grateful for doctors who have studied what they have to help us with what we need.
I am so thankful for loud bright cities that bring my soul excitement and pleasure.
I am grateful for the peace and quiet of silent and being solitaire.
I am grateful for the contacts resting atop my eyes to make everything clear to make this world seem so real.
I am thankful for lasting relationships that never grow old or go away.
I am so thankful for writing, and letting all my feelings out, my one place to be whomever I want.
I am grateful for quotes, that share a simple quick but powerful meaning, bring importance rear to me.
I am so thankful for the opportunity to live in the United States for all the freedoms that we have and all the good things it gives us.
I am grateful for the art that hangs up on the walls to inspire create and uplift me.
I am so grateful for speech and communication.
I am thankful for the world I live on and the world that will be.
I am just so grateful for everything around me, and everything I see.
And yet, it’s still not enough.
We all struggle with gratitude but try a little? And I promise if you try it doesn’t waste any time. It helps more than hurts. And you can never be grateful, thankful, and glad enough for all that you have. We are all so blessed to have what we do. To be given what we have, to know all that we do. We are all so blessed. So blessed, so where does this ingratitude come from? I think it is from the sheer bitter truth of, we don’t even remember that everything we have, someone else doesn’t. And just because we are who we are, it should just be given to us? Huh… I don’t know exactly but I do know that we can never ever be too grateful. So in honor of this thanksgiving season I wrote a few of those things I am grateful for, and I hope that you do the same. I want to use them as the stuffing for this feast coming soon and fill everyone with the gratitude we should already have. Ah well try it if you want, I am not a person to tell you what to do, but Gratitude is a beautiful thing, which can be very filling. Trust me I’m stuffed!

Monday, November 23, 2009

Hopeless Shoulder

Babe I wish I there was something else I could do,
Other than just be there for you.
If I had the power in my tiny little hands to take it all away,
I would've done it yesterday.
If I could lift this burden from off your shoulder
I would tell you to give it to me, I would be your helpful holder.
If I could switch you pains, yours for mine,
I would, so that you could be fine.
If my words could cut those that said those terrible things to you,
I would spit out my swords of wrath so they could suffer too.
If I had a magic control that could rewind,
I would rewind then skip it so it wasn't even in your mind.
If I was you I know I wouldn't know what to do.
But i would need someone.
That is who i will be,
The person you need.
Ill be there for you in this crazy horrible time.
Ill be your shoulder if you need.
I will stand by your side till this is over.
Cause its out of my hands and that's all i can do.
Babe if there was something else i could do,
Other than just be there for you,
I would do it.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Farmer And His Seed

A man holds a seed in his big working hands
The seed so small and wonderful to him.
Round and white just like he wants you to be.
The seed. You.

He carries you to his favorite spot to plant
And tucks you into your new home,
Here you will grow,
Here is where you will stay for awhile
Until you are grown and complete.

He visits you everyday wishing you well
And giving you what you need to survive
He gives you all that he can
Water Sun and air,
Soil, a place to stretch your roots
Fertilizer to help you expand and become
Big and strong like he wants.

But there is only so much he can do,
This farmer that has cared for you
Cause the weeds will come along even with his help
And they will attack you, that little seed.
Prevent you from growing and living,
Thriving and giving.
The weeds will always come but,
Little seeds have enough to keep them off
And to grow big and strong just like the man wanted.

The man continues to return everyday giving you what you need
Waiting for the day when the seeds overrule the weeds
Patiently waiting for the day when you are grown and ready
Ready to face the world.
And to be what he had always wanted you to be
A pure white little seed, grown to be a beautiful strong colorful flower.

Saturday, November 21, 2009


Footprints indented in the sand,
I wonder what mine look like,
Are they big and large?
Ones that everyone can see?
Are they small and skinny?
Ones that get stepped upon by others?

I wonder what i am leaving behind
I wonder what shape my feet have come to be
Are they easily washed away when the water
of the shore comes across,
Or do can they take a few sweeps until they are lost?

I wonder what footprint is mine
I wonder if my footprint looks like everyone elses
If my footprint is any different,
Or maybe it is just the same

I wonder if my footprint is one that everyone looks at?
If they could step inside and get in my track
I wonder weither my print can hold any one elses
Or maybe just my own.

I wonder if my prints are like anothers
Or if i stepped on another print to have mine
I wonder if mine where right
I wonder if they are wrong

I wonder that with what i am walking what it become.
Will it be a print walked apon?
I wonder if my feet can grow if they are small,
I wonder when i can know the prints i have actually left
If they are good or maybe bad....
I wonder wonder wonder wonder!
I want to see these prints!
But i cant see them.....

Cause no one leaves visual tracks, on what and how they have imprinted.

Just Do It

Sometimes your head is throbbing

Your ears are ringing

Your brains stopped thinking

And all you can do is....

Sometimes your smiles are fake

Your laughers the joke

Your brain has shut down

And all you can do is....

Sometimes your grade is low

Your atittude is crummy

Your brain has given up

And all you can do is....

Sometimes your family is yelling

Your tears just keep on streaming

Your thoughts tinted

And all you can do is....

Sometimes you get hurt

Your soul changed from how it was

Your self esteem gone

And all you can do is....

Sometimes your madder than mad

Your voice gets loud

Your side is more important

And all you can do is....

Sometimes sometimes sometimes....

Sometimes life happens

Your world always changing

Your life different than how you want

And all you can do is.....


Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Glimmering Star

I have no desire to know what you own, what you live in, or what car you drive,
I don’t care if you are young or old, small, tall, skinny or fat.
I set aside the physical features of your body and face,
To me those things don’t determine beauty…

I have no desire to know what clothes you wear, or what color you die your hair,
I don’t care if you live in a box, on the street, or on a hill in a mansion,
I set aside the family you come from, and how much money you have.
To me those things don’t determine real beauty.

I have no desire to be like everyone else
I don’t care if I stand out,
I set aside what others think…
To me those things determine beauty.

I have no desire to stay down.
I don’t care if your afraid I get hurt, I want to help you,
I set aside gossip and learn the truth.
To me those things determine real beauty.

I have no desire to know the material, worldly things
I don’t care what you look like at all…
I set aside the looks and dig deeper
To find that real beauty we all have

I have a desire to know how you became to become you.
I care for what is tugging at your heartstrings
I make priority you.
I want to help.

Tell me the hardships you have over come
Tell all the things you are so very proud of
Share what you actually think
Be the person you have always wanted to be.

I want to learn
I want to know who you really are
I want to hear what you have to say
Show me
Show me that inner beauty.
It’s better than the fake material kind.
Material beauty is nice like a little shimmer of the sun,
But inner beauty is a star
You radiate and shine from a million miles away
Shine. Shine. Shine.
Show your inner beauty



You know acting is a funny thing, its pretending to be something your not, its pretending everything around you is different than it actually is.
You know acting is a funny thing, it takes you away from what is really going on, you trick people into thinking that your someone else.
Acting is fun, unless you have to do it to be normal, unless you have to do it to hide, unless you use it as a medicine to heal what you have wrong.
Acting is fun, unless it is what you become, and unless you can get out of character every once in a while,
Acting is wrong.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Brain Freeze

Im eating all i can
To force these thoughts away
Anything cold
Send it this way.
Brain Freeze brain freeze come
Im eating all i can just to
Become numb
I just want to be numb...
So brain freeze brain freeze
Come Come!
Im cold and shivering but i dont care
If it can stop my brain from thinking,
Then maybe i can bare...
Brain Freeze Come!
Freeze my brain so
I can stop thinking of whats going on
And everything that is going wrong.
Im eating all that i can just to be numb.
So brain freeze brain freeze.
Please come.


Is he going to be okay?
Will he live to see another day?
Stay calm hes going to be fine,
I want to still call him mine...
It is all going to be alright,
He is strong he will put up a fight.
He has too... he has too...
Come on
Come on
Come on
Come on...
Daddy stay strong,
I need you more than i ever have...
Daddy stay strong,
I need you to, for me for the family and for you...
Daddy i love you so very much,
I need you here for your love and your touch...
Just let him be okay...
Cause i need him so very much today...
I love you
I love you
I love you
I should say it more often
I dont say it enough....
Please, come on daddy...
Please Stay strong.
I need you...
I need you...
I need you...

Sunday, November 15, 2009


Big Brother,
Its me, your little sis... I have been thinking alot about you lately... About all that you did and all that you continue to do. Not for just me, but for everyone. Giving, sharing, lending... You are amazing... thank you. Thank you so much, i cant say it enough. Big brother, you have no idea how much it means to me, to know that you will always be there for me, no matter what. It means so much that you would sacrifice all that you have, for me... To know that no matter how much i mess up you will always be there to help me get back on track...It blows my mind. And i just cant find any words to express how much i owe you... What should i do? How can i make this up to you. I want to show you my love for you by doing something... Tell me. Ill do it. My idea....
I have been thinking, maybe, just maybe, if i just try to be more like you it will equal out. I know that you and me could never be equal but at least i can try... i know that it isnt possible because you have done what i cannot do... you insipire me, you fill my head with ideas and knowledge that i love. You comfort me when i get sad, and you help me to see things clearly... I am so glad to know that i have someone, someone there looking out for me, trying his hardest to help me through this tough life... I couldnt do it alone and i think that is why i have you. You listen to me when i need someone to talk to, you show me the little things in life, the ones that get neglected. You are my hero my idle and i am trying my hardest to be like you... Because i know that when i see you next i want to share with you who i have helped, who i have touched, who i lifted up, who i made happy... just like you. I want to be like you in all that i am. Thank you again brother, you are my best friend. I love you. I Cannot wait to see you, Cannot wait to share with you my stories. I just simply cannot wait.
With lots of love,
Your little sis, Steff

P.S i know it has been awhile since i wrote last but, i am sure that its never too late to talk to you. I know you want my letters no matter what. Cause i know you love me too. Ill do better, cause, that is what you would do.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Sad Truth

Gravity is a strange thing,
Without this gravity,
I think life would be pleasent
Wonderful, joyous.
Gravity you may say...
Yes i am talking about
The gravity that most people seem to have...
Making everyone around them fall down.
Come down.
It makes me sick,
And i cannot believe why.
Why you cause hurt.
The gravity i speak of are the words spit out,
Out of those black lips.
The actions you do with your tied down body.
The looks you give with the holes where your eyes are.
You need everything to evolve around you,
So you create your own gravity?
You need to feel special... so you create your own,
Your own gravity, that kills others?
But hey it makes you happy...
So what could be wrong, right?
No, your gravity is leathal.
You need people to see you so,
You insult and lie?
Huh, good idea.
But once again you are the center needed
Needed for this gravity of yours.
Everyone see me everyone, come on...
Sad mostly because you dont see...
You dont see your effects that cause others hardships.
And how your gravity is more like chains
That bind and break people down.
Gosh it makes me so sad...
Because you lack selfesteem you cause
Black holes of gravity.
Because your gravity is selfishness.
And your sucking things and people in,
Because you dont give out.
You cant see the whole picture...
So ya, great idea.
Go create some gravity for you,
And bind other people to you...
Ruin there lives without even knowing.
But hey you are the center, you are gravity.
So you dont even know you hurt anyone.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

False Beauty

Masquerade paper faces on display,
Dance around all faces covered today,
Beautifully decorated and extravagantly dressed,
Dresses and suits spinning, looking there best.
Hair Brushed back with ringlets and curls
Every man faunning over those girls.
Let down the act and take down your hair,
If you did that, would you care?
The answer is yes,
Or at least that is my guess....
I bet if you take off that mask,
The men would be afraid to ask,
Terrified at what they see beneath
At what is hidden underneath,
Vile,Ugly, Pomis, faces,
Beauty hidden, everything replaces.
Hiding behind your false you,
Did you expect to find a love thats true?
Sad that is what you thought,
Because girls in masks always get caught.
Try if you want
But for me i would rather flaunt,
My natural face,
Cause that always wins this ongoing race.
Who is beatiful and charming?
The clear answer is not alarming.
The real people always get chosen first,
They dont have to practice or be rehearsed.
Be real,
Show how you feel.
Who you are is beautiful,
If you dont have to hide it first.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Bloody Boxer

I've been a boxer in the ring,
One that has given and taken blows,
Hard ones,
Ones that break, bruise and ruin things,
Ones that make you win and ones that make you lose,
I see my reflection in, My Blood on the ground,
I made this choice to be in the ring,
So i suck it up and Throw somemore punches,
My appoinent now his blood is mixing with mine,
As we wrestle on the floor.
A whitle please?
No, no more...
I dont think i can much more.
Reflecting in the blood smeared all around,
The eyes of the one i am fighting,
Brown, pain in them, anger...
For what?
I am winning?
Maybe, but i got some good punches,
Punches in the face, in the leg, in the gut, chest and arm.
I just keep on attacking them,
Another glance in this puddle of shame
And in the same pool of mixed blood, i look for me,
And to my disbelief
I see the same thing, as if our eyes were one,
Are you winning?
Maybe, But you got some good hits too,
And my blood is running down my body.
Why, Why do we wrestle around and fight in this ring?
Whistle, blow, stop this insanity!
Stop it stop it before either one is gone,
Blow it! Blow it...
But no sound comes...
I give up, I dont want more hurt,
NO MORE hurt,
This deep red blotched floor could've stayed gray,
But, this is what has happened,
Why did we start this?
I dont like it,
So i am causing no more anger,
No more broken bones, or bruises or pain,
I will just step away...
Step away from all this that i thought i enjoyed,
NO more pain.
Get out of this ring.
Cause i hate to see that reflection of the eyes,
No more blood shot eyes....
No more.
Goodbye Bloody boxer in the ring,
I cant cause you anymore pain.
You win.

Note of my Soul

Ahhh music,
How I love you!
You always seem to understand exactly how i feel,
You always seem to know what to say,
When to talk,
What to talk about,
You always play my emotions
Like you know where i have been,
Like you have been there too,
You make it feel like i am not alone,
You are always there to comfort me,
Oh music you are such a great friend,
You listen to what i feel and turn it into something real,
Ah music i love you, i love you alot.
Thanks for all you do :)

Bands i Really feel are my best of friends,
Death Cab
One Rebuplic
The Cab
GooGoo Dolls
The Fray
Dashboard Confessional
The Killers
The Police
Joe Brooks
Kate Nash
Ben Folds
Regina Spektor
Relient K
Thanks guys i always know i can turn to you.
And that you will always be there to say what i need to hear.
Without ya i have no idea who i would be, honest.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Gobbledogook for You

Sometimes you just have to write,
write like one one is even reading,
like no one cares
You have to write like it is that last day of your life
Say how you REALLY feel
Like you have no other choice...

where am i going with this??
I forgave becasue i love you
I love you more than anything in the earth
Your happiness means more to me than mine
Your smile makes me smile more than anything on this
I feel aweful to know you could be hurt
You might be not as happy as you used to
Hope. hope. hope.
I will be ther for you if you want me to
I need you to need me
I was so used to everything
ever idea everything everything and i wanted it more more more more more more every single day!
Please i beg you, change. Change change for me, i need you to.
I am suffocating here!
A pillow case full of tears and hurt,
Pictures of your face invade my mind!
Go, stay, go, why why why???
I am overreacting, maybe... wait, am i?
i know what i feel, with every part of me i know what i feel,
i want the best, the best for both, for all three,
Where do i go?
Pray some more,
Stuggle through this,
Hardest part of life, ever.
Come on i want it over,
I want everything to be back to the golden times
I need them,
I need you more than i realize...
I thought that it wouldnt be this hard,
But the weight is making me fall and fall hard everynight to my knees
Please please baby baby please,
Babe, Honey, Dear, Angel, One i love,
Change, for me, for you....
For anyone,
Was it real to you too?
Forvinging is important and i have done it,
All i want is you back,
All i want is to tell you,
Tell you what i am writing what i feel.
We were best friends and now we seem like strangers.
All i want is for my dreams, your too, to come true,
Am i just insane am i just being a girl?
Well i have a right dont i?
Everyone around me knows ...
You do crazy things for the deepest desire of your heart.
Would this change anything,
Of course it would... like autmn, my life reflecting change.
But i want yours to be a tree too,
Please turn into a Beautiful oak tree and shed all your old, bad leaves,
Start new, For me... please.
It was real, i know it was, what we felt could not be fake,
When, where, why, GOSH!!!
Trials... All i want is this.
Information keeps coming, everything spinning,
Is it right now? Should i wait longer,
But what if i wait and nothing comes of it...
Emotions gone, and we cant remember.
Im telling myself shut up! SHUT UP...
tear after tear after tear after tear,
i did this, but with your help i suppose.
Happy, i want that.
Normal. i want that.
But i guess you cant always get what you want.
And that is when you
Pray some more.
Hope and dream.

WRite WRITE write.
And hope that maybe you can see,
What you still mean to me.

I just have to write,
Sometimes you just have to write what you feel,
Cause what you feel is real.

That and i feel...
You desirve to know.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Judge, Boy and Jury

The Boy, stands before the judge and jury, tears streaming down his freckled face. His chocolate colored eyes covered by his eye lids, as he waits for what is about to happen. His body shaking his pulse racing, he is anticipating... in the Silence. What will they say what will they do? Do they believe him? Can they see what he is willing to do? Is he going to be faced with a life of nothing because of what he did? Will he be able to live like he has for much longer? What is going to happen, what is going to be said. All those thoughts running around in his head. Ashamed, he knows he's where he desirves to be.

The judge in the Large oak seat, looks down at the boy with compassion. The tears on the boys face give him an insight, a look into the closed eyes. The judge can see how he is so sorry. So sorry for what he has done, he feels so aweful for everything that has taken place. The judge looks around and sees the one person who came to see the conviction, the one lonely person. Crying. Waiting to see, waiting to see what will come to be, The judges heart breaks, she is so hurt.

The Jury, in there own oak seats stare down the crying boy. Each one knowing their own vote will contribute to his fate. They decide what to do to him. Not one believes him, no one can share what they think now. The vote has been cast and the moment approaching... The boy with the freckles sits so still, paralyzed by the suspense. The hardest looking man stands up to tell his fate. The hard man looks at the one person in the courtroom, She is so sad. Why is she alone the thought popped in his head. As he looks down at the paper that reads the word "guilty" he smiles and cant wait to see this boy suffer. The boy opens his eyes, red and puffy, what will happen?


The boy, silent, looks back at the one spectator, forgive me screaming in his eyes. She breaks down and begins to cry... but not cry because he is gone but because, no one gave him a chance.

She stands, raises her hand, the judge saying "speak" she opens her mouth,

"Who are we to sit here and look at this boy? Yes there is obvious fault, there was obvious pain but, since when is that reason to lock him up? When is that reason... For something like this? NO! It is not right! So all of you hypocrites tell me you have never hurt someone! Tell me when you have never gone wrong! Tell me that you have never lied! But yet you stand here today, sending this boy away for the same things you have done yourself. Stand here and tell me you will follow this boy, the boy who is willing to face consequence, into the dark cell you want to send him to. Tell me and of course i would have to follow him too. You, Him, me, we are all at fault... Everyone of us guilty in some way or another. But why do you get to judge him when you are the exactly the same? Why?"

Silence filled the court room and the judges eyes filled with tears, he said " This girl is very wise, we are setting him free. Case dismissed." And with that, the court room emptied. The boy feel to his knees. And the girl picked him up, the jury left the stand and the room was empty... Althought it was silent as everyone walked out, those words that one girl said were ringing in there ears...

She was right and everyone knew it, we have no place to judge, we are all at fault, no one is perfect and we all need a break sometimes, would you harshly judge someone like that, when that is who you are too? But most of all in the end, it is not the judging of the people that choose what happens to the defendant... it is the judge, the judge above all of us. He gets the final word in wether the person is free or gets sent away... everyone left a different person.

And that is the story of the Judge, Boy and the Jury.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Achilles Tendon

I always thought that i was a strong one,
One that doenst really care about what others think,
What others do,
Always thought i was a strong one...
Hard times stand right in front of my face,
I am not an iron person,
Maybe on purpose,
Maybe not intentional,
But i do know that i always thought i was a strong person,
This just brought me down,
Or maybe more,
Brought me to realization,
The regular is gone,
The always is now not forever,
And i have to deal,
I always thought i was a strong person,
I still am but this must be my weak spot,
This? i thought i wanted it...
I really do, But wow, I realize how weak i am,
And what do i do when i realize how weak i really am?
Making me weak in the knees cause of what he is making me see,
And i dont want to see it... But, i do at the same time.
Gosh! i want it, its just more hard than i thought it would be,
To see him not standing next to me,
But another girl.
My regular is gone,
My always is now not forever anymore,
I will be strong but i have to learn,
Learn how to fight my weakness.
But right now my achilles tendon is killing me,
And i always thought i was a strong one.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

A friend

i have this friend,
they are so very sweet,
they are willing to give,
they think of others,
their personality is larger than life,
and yet,
they are so sad,
Why you may ask?
It is because of what we do,
What we say,
What we pretend,
What we talk about behind there back,
What is judged,
They get so brought down by people they love,
they feel betrayed by family,
And it is all because of what we do.

This friend,
Diserves so much better.

So everyone shut up!
Look at what you do,
Listen to what you say,
Maybe if no one said anything bad,
We would all feel the same.
Lets give it a try,
Cause its not just this one friend,
not only one friend that is hurt.
That friend is everyone.
Constantly we are put down and hurt,
For what?
I dont understand!
Does someone get bored?
Did they steal someone from you?
Whatever the reason,
People still get hurt.
Why? Why? WHY?

We have all been hurt,
You all know how it feels,
So, why do you have to put others
in that same hell-hole?
Does it make you feel better?
that is just sad.
Look at you,
Happiness is everywhere!
Look to that for happy times,
Not making someone else feel bad.
Cause in the long end it never does anything.

So sad,
My friend,
So sad.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Still Waters

I am at peace.
There has been alot of contention
And alot of crap
Now i feel calm,
Like a lake laying in the mountains
And it feels so wonderful
So great.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Dancing in the Rain

It is just one of those days.
Today is one of those days that you wish will come along, when every thing just seems to go right! Today is just one of those days!
I cant really help it, but i care so much for everyone, Everyone!
And well today i was able to help some people, i was able to share my feelings
Feel like i was making a difference,
I feel so accomplished!
And you know i just love it!
Giving can be so so so so hard for me also,
Sometimes i just cant help but feel like i just give and give and give but no one helps me in return no one gives back to me, and once in a while, it is this day i get!
The day were i forget about giving for one second and get.
I recieve love, recieve care, recieve something back!
And that is when i love what i do most.
When the people i let use me, use me to be able to stand on there own feet, help me to my feet. That is when i know that i am trying and at least once in awhile it works,
And every second of stuggle is worth it.
I love to help everyone, i hate causing contention or pain or sadness,
But today, i Also realized, i cant please every single soul out there...
That is a rediculous goal!
I took time for me today, i needed that, i stopped doing what i thought was right, and focused on me for awhile. Does wonders!
Its just one of those days when even if somethings are falling and falling fast, you can still be happy because you know everything will work out.
Breathing deep not shallow,
Studing not skimming
Singing not humming
Laughing not grinning
Dancing! and not even just dancing but dancing like no one is watching,
even though there is still rain.
Hey i am learning!
And hard times arent through but
today is just one of those days when i realized how to dance in the rain.
Im not letting anything or anyone hold me back anymore!
My chains are free,
Even though i dont mind my chains mostly, cause they bind me to others they keep me there, but Today i broke free i was a fugative,
SO FREE! sweet freedom, my chains of sad broke away.
I was a bird with no more broken wings set out of my cage and i was flying!
Soaring chirping diving and living! living for once without those chains that i have,
Still i like em,
But i decided to keep my chains off,
Cause flying around i can no see that really they arent chains,
they are remember strings,
tied to my fingers
And sometimes the only thing i can see,
But no more! I feel so good i promise to not only see those anymore.
I still will see them, Cause i love them so much But now i will be able to look in the mirrior and see me too!
Ah yes, today was just one of those days,
an Ah Ha day :)

What is Most Important

Forging and apologizing doesn't really mean that you were wrong and the other person was right, it just means that you value your relationship more than your ego.

Monday, November 2, 2009


Life is a road.
So many places it can take you.
Some are long and boring.
Others are short and exciting.
The place that you are going is set in stone.
How and when you get there is unknown,
But that wont stop you cause your traveling anyways.
You can choose to be bothered
By the stops that come upon you.
Or you can see them and use them to understand the best way for you to go.
You can comprehend what is going on around you.
If you travel fast on the road you may miss the beauty passing you by.
It is dangerous and reckless
Not giving you anything in return.
On the other hand, if you travel slowly
You will see the signs that are directing you,
You will see the beauty all around you.
Letting you be at peace.
Letting you be safe and happy.
But even when traveling slowly, roadblocks will come.
The road always needs improvement
But don’t let them stop you in your travel.
All you have to do is find the right way around your block, because you still have somewhere to go.

Purpose of Life?

What is the meaning of it?
I guess it depends on who you ask,
I believe have no idea,
I know.
Life is here for you,
The old lady down the street,
The little dog you care for,
The neighbor across the street,
Life is here for the garden you tend,
For the songs you sing
For the dreams you dream.
Life is here to make us Stronger
To make us grow
To give us friends
To laugh
To live
To love...
Life is here to Live!
Live with a purpose,
Life is here!
Life is Now!
Life is here to support
To build
To Inspire
Life is not just a waste of time,
So why waste what you have been given?
Do something with it!
YOU are here for a reason,
You are living to give others reason to live,
You make a Difference to those around you,
You live to help
You live to give
You live to serve
You live to live!
Live to Love
Live to Laugh
Live to know the little things
Live to see the Happiness all around you
Live to see the sadness
Live to get stronger.
Live to know the hurt
Living to know this wonderful world
What does it mean?
To me
Life means
A chance to change someone elses.