Sunday, March 25, 2012

And then you see why it happened.

The purple tones and rich red in the sky were completely breath taking tonight.
I am glad i have eyes to see the sunsets.

Sometimes in my life i get in little slumps of sadness and stupidity.
And i get stuck there.
And i think i have been sitting in one for a couple of weeks.

But I realized in the last couple of hours of these last couple of days that somethings in life are better left for the big guy to handle. And of course i knew that before, but im a "fixer" as some would say, and it gets to me when i cant fix the right here and now.

I cant fix everything, and not everything needs to be fixed.

I think that in life we need to have an instance where it all comes back, and you remember so clearly, just so you can know what to change, just so you can know what not to do... just to know why you stopped in the first place.

Isnt it interesting how so much good can come from something so not?

I think that sometimes in this life we need to be jolted alittle, we need a catalyst in our life to shake some sense into us, something to get us out of the rut, even though it may be scary or hard.

I am so glad for my amazing life that i have and all the blessings that surround me; friends that care so deeply they will listen to my nonsense histerical crying for hours. Family that will stop and recognize when i need to take a break, when i need to be alone.

As i have thought over the last 48 hours, i have realized some things; i need to improve myself even more than i am.. that its okay that i am weak, becuase i have strong things and people to support me when i fall... that everything is going work together eventually for good.

I think i needed what happened in these last 48 hours to happen.. so that i could take the time to remember, relive, to realize, re-evaluate, redo, repent, and remember again what i really need.

And to most of all remember that;

God doesnt give you the people you want, he gives you the people you need. To help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you the person you were ment to be.

And i really believe that.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

(Restless Mind Syndrome)

Vacillating thoughts wrap around my brain tonight.
My eye lids droop to their favorite spot,
Yet even with the weight underneath them, sleep will not step in quite yet.
The pillows are fluffy and the bedspread soft.
Phyiscally fatigued... but im lost in thought.
Vulnerable to the life i have sitting in my tiny little hands..
My minds running a million miles a minute as i lay tonight.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Piles of Daydreams

As the piles stack up i try not to let the frusteration build too...
So much to do in such a little time,
Where have the weeks gone?
Where are you, can i meet you soon, or maybe next week.. down the road at my favorite bakery?
We could get a cupcake and share it. Sit across the table for two, and laugh. You could smile that beautiful smile and just make me forget my troubles for a moment...
We could go for a drive, and you could say that you love to hear my stories as you grab my hand and kiss the top of it. Ill be your princess if you please be my prince...
If you dont want a cupcake, or to drive around, we could go on a walk, those are always fun. I would grab your hand and we could wander around town.. take a mini adventure. I could bring my camera and take snap shots of you as you walk and wander with me. I could even bring my cute dog. We could let him off his leash and chase him around... then, being the brave and couragous man you are.. you would catch him and save him from the scary dog down the road.
But if you simply do not want to move, we could cuddle on the couch together and watch a movie. I would probably fall asleep next to you.. but before i drift off we could send silly text messges (you know just in case someone else were in the room actually wanting to watch the moive) to eachother while the movie plays... or not... and we could do it just cause its silly and we are silly together...
Oh somone.. I need to just stop this daydreaming.. you're not here and there is so much to do but
if you came... i promise i would try my best to be just as wonderful as you are to me, back to you... i would do everything in my power to make you happy... i promise... oh someone.. i miss you tonight.. i wish you could be here telling me that everything will work out all right.