Sunday, March 28, 2010

Away, take me there.

Take me to that place we call the ocean.

Where the water meets the sand.

Take me to the place were the waves are free to do as they choose,

Where the birds fly to feel the breeze.

Take me to the place where the ground can move with you,

Where the sun shines everyday.

Someone take me to that place we call the beach,

Where i can surf the tide and the tears can fall,

But something will always be salter.

Take me to the waters edge where i can place my feet

And find a treasure from below.

Someone take me to that place that is free,

Beautiful and far away from here.

I want to feel the waves

Hear the crash and break of each one.

I want to feel the sand inbetween my toes,

Throw off my shoes and be free.

I want to leave is stupid town,

At least for a little while, maybe for a long while.

Take me to that place we call the beach.

I need to let go and be free.
Free from everything here that is binding me.

Friday, March 26, 2010


Be fair,
I know you care.
I must be fair,
Becuase you care.

Look at those eyes and say what needs to be said.
Do i really have to say it? Can they stay in my head?

This is unfair to you,
And i am sorry too,
But i am not sure what i am doing,
In a new direction i thought i was moving.

This is like driving on a dirt road, when you can see the paved one.
Its like not wearing sunscreen as you swim and you burn up.
This is like looking at the seatbelt, but never wearing it.
Its like smiling, when inside your crying.

But it has to be this way,
So i can live another day.

Im so sorry that you are in the dark,
But he was the one that left a mark.
And i dont think you can.
This is all falling apart, my masterful plan.

Be fair,
I know you care.
I must fair,
Cause you care.

... well, sometimes life isnt fair.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

1000 Words

I want to say what i feel.

I want to let it out, so i come here,

Then i dont even know how to say it to a wall...

This blank white box..

Type what you want.

I want to share....

But cant find the words...
You and me.


I am at battle with myself and myself only.
Go, no, stay.
Come, no, leave.
Love? no, like.
I am confused with my own thoughts.
Good, no, bad.
Talk, no, stay quiet.
I cant even let it out.
Shut up, no, talk!!!
Tell who needs to know.
Tell them.
Do it.
Not again.
What am i doing?
Well, i am trying to heal myself...
When really i am not a doctor.
Its like asking for rain in the desert.
Or like eating strawberries to taste watermelon.
Its not working.
Just like it didnt work for you...
But should i tell you that?
Probably not.
Say what you feel, no, keep it in.
When do i know what to do?
I am at battle with myself, and neither side is winning,
I am at battle with myself, and i cant heal my wounds fast enough.
I am at battle with myself, trying to work it out,
I am at battle with myself, breaking down inside.
I am at battle with myself, and i cant find a way to win.
I am looking for the rain in a desert,
Eating strawberries for watermelon,
None of it makes any sense.
And that is why im at battle.

come out alive steff... please.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010


There is someone i care about very dearly,
And i am afraid, i cant play superwoman right now.
Right now.
When they need it most.
Everything unsteady in their life, and i cant even be there.
I wish i could reach out to them, like i have before.
But i dont know if i am a strong enough person to lift them up.

There is someone i care about deeply,
With all of my heart, but i am afraid, the tears will just have to roll,
For this lesson to be painted into our minds.
It rips my soul in half when i cant see them smile,
Knowing i could put one on that face so easily.
And yet i step back, not knowing if i am strong enough,
To lift the heavy load they carry with them as well.

There is a person, i think about everyday, My brain always plays their words all day long.
And i wish that i would have more words to ponder,
But i dont, because of them, because of me.
Dreams and hopes still sit in my body just holding on to the last link of trust.
But the link is holding up so much, when will it break?
Hold on little chain.

This is a person engraved on my heart.
But this break is tearing theirs apart.

My friend hold on, i believe in you
I know your heart is strong.
But you have to believe too.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Tear me Apart

Its hopeless when i open my mouth around you.
I May as well disapear,
Cause you wouldn't even notice if i left...
Well maybe you would but,
The only reason you would is because you needed someone to degrade.
Its hopeless to speak my mind or to tell you your being an ass,
Cause you only argue that i am dumb,
Young and dont know a thing.
Well the truth is you dont know a thing, cause you never ask simple questions.
"how are you steff?" "how was your day?"
Nope nothing. Not unless you are trying to find my faults.
And boy do i love that about you...
And maybe on the rare day when you do ask,
They are to find something wrong, my weaknesses and stupidity.
That is the only purpose.
And to me that is sad.
How did this happen?
You think i hate you, cause i dont talk to you as much as you would like.
But i dont, i just hate the feelings i get when we do talk, so i stay quiet.
Its an interigation of my life, when you ask.
Oh you found the falt? great.
Like i didnt already see it, but that is so nice of you to point it out again,
Then punish me for having it.
Although i am hesitant to admit, cause it may bite me hard later,
I do like it when you are gone during the week.
Cause i feel like a person, not a mistake when you are absent.
I just cant stand this any longer.
You and i always fight, mostly about how i am not to what your standards are.
And if i bring this up to you in person, i will be wrong.
You of course, will be right. Always.
So here i am writing, cause you cant talk back with my feelings here.
My solace.
So i hope you read these words soon, (and i know you will.)
Then maybe you can understand that almost everything i do, is to try to be a good person.
Although you dont see that, or admit it, that is what drives me.
You are so quick to nit pick but rarely ever say good job.
And if i had all the tears i have shed due to you back, i would have a swimming pool.
But i dont and i am dry to the bone.
So please, here me out, i love you.
Im trying so hard.
Please try to see that.
Open your eyes and see who i am,
And not, who im not.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Full of Beauty

As my feet brush the ground i feel like i am walking in a picture.
So wonderful, so perfect, yet flawed.
As the wind kisses my face and my hair blows trailing behind me.
I smile cause it just wonderul.
As i look down in the puddles on the earth, there my shadow is saying hi.
So great, too great, for a person like me.
As i swing my arms and dottle to the music, i look around to see others.
So quaint, im walking in a moving picture.
As i pass the trees, their character shows me each ones story
Such a long life, i wonder what the trees have seen.
I bet its beautiful.
As i walked home today with the rays of the sun on my skin,
I remember how lucky i am to be where i am.
Beautiful world.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Bloom_in_g Guard.en

Its like a little seed sprouting in the spring.

A cold glass of water on a hot summer day.

Its like the sun shining through the strom clouds.

A blanket on your freezing toes.

Its the thing i need right now.

And i wouldnt change it for anything.

Cause i am happy with this.

Happy as can be.

I like this.

Very much.
Aint no one gonna change who i see :)

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Fairytale Nightmare

The trees were dark.
Trying to warn the girls of the danger they were walking into.
But they couldn't see the trees concerned faces as they walked on.
With a can of red paint in their hand.
A mission in thier little minds.
-create a memory-
-leave your mark-
The trail cluttered with twigs and pine cones.
The girls followed.
Going somewhere, anywhere, to mark the unknown.
They just left, and know one knew, secret agents of the world.
What a feeling that was.
For the first little while it was surreal.
Pleasent fun.
Like walking on a road in a fairytale.
The flowers singing the sun shining,
The clouds gray...
And like every story, it cannot always be fair to the characters, so it wasn't.
The two heroines now so far into the forrest, they lost their way.
Almost out of their red paint.
The mission almost over, but not close to where it started.
As the rain started to fall, the sky let out yells of anger,
And flashes of its frusteration.
The two secret girls, no one knowing where they were, became scared.
Covered by thousands of tall tall trees, screaming at them to leave!
Tears rolled down the face of one, and the other panicked
What to do?
But where?
Like alice in wonderland, lost and confused those two were.
Until they realized,
They brought their savor with them.
Slow motion they begin to run as the rain dripped down each girls body.
Soaking wet, in a dark scary forrest.
The glow of the sky yelling and loud agony shakes them scared.
Pick up the knees and run until the red paint.
That red paint, a mark with the initals of each girl.
Trace back up the direction you came girls that will get you home.
Over and over again,
Running over the rocks and all the tree roots.
Each step closer to the place they started.
Safety every inch closer as the run, crying, soaking and eager to arrive to the solace.
With the last rock of red paint they start to scream with joy.
The light at the end of the tunnel.

A fairytale nightmare.
And the two characters are home.

Saturday, March 13, 2010


Im Jumping off, letting it all go.

Im jumping off, to feel the wind on my face.

Im jumping off, cuase its what i want.

Im jumping off, to put my self out of place.

Jumping away from all the thoughts,
The world no more embrace.

You aren't tying me down
Just like i wanted.

And my feelings have fallen for you,
But i wont,
Im Jumping off and never gonna fall.

I watched my package of you crash to the ground
It hit hard, like when i hit after you let go.
I am okay with that cause i am still mid air,
And about you i dont even care.

Im jumping off to prove to myself i am strong.

Im jumping off to lose you,

That one person who was totally wrong.

I jumped off and am flying in the blue.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010


You are wearing me down, pulling the strings of energy right out of my favorite sweater, just to wear them stiched into yours. You are pulling me tight, grabbing at almost nothing to make it longer, to make it larger than it really is or should be. You are sucking it right out of me, my happy peppy person that is normally me, you are sucking the life right out of me. You are messing with my head, making me think like i really care, but truth is i dont. You are the black hole in my life right now, and i never saw it before, but you are pulling me in close so that you can hurt me. You need to release me from your grasp cause as pretty as you are, your power is taking myself away from me. You make me annoyed. You kill my good mood, just from the constants and vowels you spit at me, all to make yourself feel better. I am tired of pretending like it doesnt hurt, or like i didnt take it to heart, but its hard when you constantly eat at any weakness you see.

You are a monster eating and tearing, streching, bending, bullying me, playing with my head, all to make you feel like a better person. But too bad i see that you are weak, that you enjoy the sad place you sulk in. That dark cave you live in, you monster you. It gets you pitty it gets you attention, that one thing you thrive for... Its sad, i see it clear as day and i have tried to say that you are living there in a dark fortess, but you refuse to believe it. You are a monster in your den doing your monsterous things to me, messing with my mind, to make you believe you live in a mansion. You are killing me, my enrgy, and self confidence too. I cant help but feel like i only talk to you cause, you need me too, but in the end, its killing me. I hate the place i have been in, brusied and beaten by your words... you say they arent true you monster you, but i know you say the words you feel. I will not be brought down to your level, i will not live in a cave like you do, sulking and sucking anything you can see. I wont lie to myself if im not okay, cause i will not be a monster... Maybe these words are a bit harsh, but they are true, i am so fed up with you, and you cant even see it cause you think everything revolves around you, sucking me dry, wearing my emotions on your sleve, just cause you can, and you dont really care about how i feel... Monster.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Will Embrace the World in Gray

The cold night air brushes my face,
As tears of sadness set into place.
The big wet tears stream across my cheek
But I cant get my body to stop the leak.

Its nights like this one when the air is slightly wet,
And the stars in the night sky are set,
That i remember,
All the emotions i will have forever.

I look up at the dark sky cluttered with cloud
And remember this field when i was not proud.
That dreaded walk to ease my heart
But really was ripping it from the start.

With my theme song of sadness in my ear,
Your voice is all that i can manage to hear.
With all the steps i take and every breath i make,
I remember how that walk was a mistake.

All the wetness seeped inside my sock
And the hour hand on the clock.
Maybe my worst hour,
Cause you had all the power.

Its too much to take so i lay down on my back,
Energy, what i lack,
I cant even handle the power so im down on my knees
Praying my prayers and pleading my pleas.

Crying myself calm,
Just before the break of dawn,
On the wet green blades of grass,
Waiting, hoping for all this to pass.

Its nights like tonight when im walking....
And you refuse to leave my heart,
I try to rip you off but you wont part.

So its nights like tonight when im just walking,
That i remeber all the while how much you are part of me.
And how much i remember that i dont really want you free.

Its nights like tonight,
That shake my body with fright,
Cause i should want you gone,
But i will pretend your here with me singing this song....

And the shadow of the day will embrace the world in gray.
And the sun will set for you.

Its nights like tonight when i cant forget you.
Or what we have done.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010


Inhale, Exhale. Done. Gone.

I am doing just fine and i dont have a word to say other than...

I am content.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010


If i smoked... i would be doing that right now...
To calm me down...

Cause this is what im about to do,

And i guess you could say, im a tad bit nervous.