Thursday, January 27, 2011

The Accurate Truth

Some may say that i have only lived here on this earth for a small amount of time, and i actually think i agree with them... for i am only a silly teenage human being, qualified as a "young adult" or a "young person"... with sometimes an occasional spur of the moment thought that controls a few of my next actions... and well i will take that name and allow it to define me for it seems quite accurate... i am a young person... and i love it.

Some may say that because i have only lived here a short time, that i do not understand alot of things this world has to offer, but i actually dont think that i agree on that statement... for you see, i do not believe that the mere number of your age, is not an accurate test to judge apon... I believe that no matter who you are or how old you have grown to be, that you can feel the exact same things that elders can feel... i know that some peers around me are just as wise as those so called smart 30 year old people...

Some may say that i dont know what it is that i want, but that is also untrue... for you see i am not defined by things that seem impossible, i am a person that takes my dreams and make them become reality... i know what it is i want... i know what it is that i am planning to become and all the future things i will fufill..

Some may ask why it is im actually writing this post... and i will simply say because i know one thing and, well sometimes my brain gets all side tracked trying to voice this thing one thing i know that is moving me to write...
So here it is... I may be a young person, i may have only lived here a short time, but i do know that through these years here on earth i have learned a few things... Like one, i know what i want, and two... sometimes you have to let go of things... of people... of ideas... And three that you have to feel hurt, and you have to know pain, and you have to feel lost, at least for a little to know the joy of this wonderful life we all have the opportunity to live... and four, love is real...

You were once a person i called my close friend, you were once a person i confided in, a person that i loved, and one that i trusted, we shared a lot of memories, a lot of stories... i attempted to guide you along the path... to help you solve problems, be there for you, offer you advice... countless hours we talked and laughed... but more than i would have liked i felt hurt by you... or like you only had time to listen to you... and not me... but i still called you a good friend awhile back, and for a long time... but today as i passed you driving in my car, with the love of my life sitting next to me, i realized that i may not know somethings, cause i have lived on earth a short time.... but i do know one or two... one: that you and i are just growing apart... and two i am okay with that...

And that is my accurate truth.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

T o d a y

Just one of those days.

Tommorrow will be better.
But as for now, i will go indulge myself with chocolate, and reading, and listening to good music, and more .... hmm? ah ha!... yes more chocolate.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Crimson. scarlet. red. drops.

The the scarlet red pulses into my heart but drip out my eyes...
The drops dont blind my vision for i see the whispered words conversed between the brain dead.
And with every glance and every stare toward me, my eyes uncover more red scarlet color,
Red dye, that covers my pillow late at night, red dye that makes me think why why why, what is it i did? Red dye that makes life harder than just a walk in the park...

Crimson color, that makes my head ache and my heart break...

Word to the wise, not all that you hear is true..
In fact it is often times far from that and bears the ugly name of

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Dance with me tonight

His fingers reached out for mine,
And i look up to see,
His smiling eyes so bright,
As he pulled me under the parking lot light.

The night silent and chilled, stood still,
As we swayed slightly to the slow songs
Dancing, you see, is my newest thrill.

He put his hand so gently on the nape of my neck
As i rested my head on his strong peck.
Tender kisses graced my head,
As "i love you" was softly said.

Snow decended from the sky
As he spun me around and dipped me down,
Flakes of snow just passed us by,
Too distracted by that twinkling in his eye.

Slow motion took control last night, dancin by the parkin lot light.

did you know that I love you?
Well, I do.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

White clouds

I stepped out side my warm home wearing my rather large winter coat, the one i have worn more times than any other thing i own. I closed the heavy wooden door behind me and looked up at the mountains in front of me.. i stepped off my porch with a few steps and began my quite journey... The little ponderous walks i go on to clear my head, to think, to get away, and observe the earth, the people, the anything...

My hands tucked close to my body in an attempt to keep them warm. I plugged my ears into the white wires known as ear buds... and as i slowly walked in the dark i stepped to the beat of the song i needed to hear. The air chilled, it brushed up against my nose and froze the tip... ice hugging the ground. snow on the once summer green grass... i walked by mere streetlight as it fluttered and turned back on as i watched it on my walk... i gazed up at the brightness coming from the tall light post and noticed my breath take a shape, a changing white cloud that raced out of my mouth.. i paused and studied the field i had stumbled across.. so many times had i been here so many different feelings i had felt on this one patch of earth... Guilt, sorrow, loss, happiness, sadness, excitement... this time was different... I had never brought this feeling to the feild before... The bitter cold rushed into my jacket as i slowly unzipped it and laid it on the snow... I laid it out for my body to curl up on... like a dog curling up into its little doggy bed i climbed on to my ski jacket letting my hair cover the snow almost in an attempt to warm the world or at least the cold glitter i laid on... i stretched my arms out and placed them behind my head to make a pillow... and i watched. I laid atop my jacket in the white, cold, glitter on the field under the streetlamp to watch my breath... i gazed up into the universe and wondered, i pondered and i let the cold fill my lungs over and over again just to see the changing white shape of my heat... the stars shone down on me showing me how to do it... i took in the breaths of cold air. i let them pulse through my warm body and freeze my throat and mouth... and with every chilled breath i let in, i made sure to release a warm one... my mind syncronized to this and relpaced every chilled thought with a warm one... The snow glittering like ocean waters under the sun... I laid still in the snow with my hair flowing out behind me... I let the cold take me to a warm place that night... and turned the bitter cold to warmth... everytime.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011


What ever your religious belief is, i think this is beautiful...
And it means a lot to me.

In my times of struggle, this is where i turn, maybe you have somewhere you go to find the comfort you need... but in the blustery storms of my life i turn to what i believe to be true.

And through quite prayer, purposeful searching and pondering...

The world is a calm and beautiful place once more. I just have to see the beauty all around me, step out of the right here and now and notice the big picture. No matter what happens now. It will all work out in the end. I know it will all work out in the end.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Familiar feelin

We have all been there... we have all felt that feeling... and if you havent then i would sincerely like to meet the person who has not felt this oh too familiar feeling... You know what it is...
Its the, "i screwed that up" feeling... or the "i wish i did this better.. why and i such and idot?!" feeling, or even the (however silly it may be) "today i should have just layed down and stopped trying cause i am not good enough". Its that feeling of not feeling good enough for anyone or anything no matter what... and its sad.

And on occasion I think it is natural to feel this way you see.... however just becuase that is the natural tendancy once in a while does not mean that that is what you should dwell on... once again i have realized this lovely concept of self worth... and my conclusion this time is...

I really do love myself... that may seem silly to say, but i think that when you have apprecitation and love for yourself... you can be uncontrolably happy and be loved by others and love others more in return. It opens up a door that makes you see things brighter. It shows life in a beautiful fashion in a pure thought. So i do love me. And that is the truth. Mistakes and all.