Tuesday, June 14, 2011


A light knock on the door woke me up this morning. courtneys small terror struck voice whispered "Daddys in the hospital"...

It's a surreal feeling as you walk into the ER of the hospital. You pass all those people waiting and wonder what it is that you will be seeing in a very short amount of time... Your heart stops beating for a minute as you walk through the doors and you see the room number that you are suppossed to walk through. Room number 40. He laid in the bed in his hospital clothes talking to the officer, his head lifted just enough to see the deep red blood stain on the pillow. two at a time in the room so, i waited outside in the waiting room. you repeat the nurses words "its a miracle he is alive" over and over and over again...

Just another normal day, he left to go to work around 6:30. Im sure he checked his mirrors like he usually does, and probably adjusted the seat like always but today, his missed the seat belt.. Not but five minutes from his office he stopped at a red light for a moment, and a moment it was... for there was only enough time to hear the brakes scream behind him before the impact. The white truck hit the back of his little subaru and launched the car through the interection into a cement island across the intersection... glass few all over the road the car completely totaled... he was inside...

I want to thank those people who stopped their cars and their lives for him. I want to say thank you for all those saints to went and called for help. I want to say thank you to the officers and the paramedics who carefully used the jaws of life to cut him out, and put him in the ambulence. I want to thank my heavenly father for letting him live today. Cause he is my daddy, my one and only daddy and i love him very much.

It was weird to pass the place that it happened and see the car totaled. It was weird to see the road cones and signs alerting everyone to use a different pathway cause there was an accident... I thought to myself, i wonder what people are thinking.. i wonder what peole said, i wonder if they thought of us... even though i knew they didnt know me or my family, but i wondered still the same...

Tuesday June 14th. 8:00 am. My daddy got hit at 50 miles an hour by a drunk driver. He wasnt wearing a seatbelt. Please anyone who reads this, there are two lessons to be learned. One: no matter how good of a driver you are always wear your seatbelt, you never know who you'll run into... or who will run into you.... And two, miracles happen. every day.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

thats all.

so many words to say yet i havent a word to mutter tonight.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Art. Art is what its called.

Strokes of paint brush across the crisp white canvas. The deep blues go for a swim to make it lighter and the reds too turn light pink as they dive into the water. The brushes sweep and leap and dance too and fro from colors to water to paper. The colors love eachother and wish to blend as you want. Art. art is what it is called, watercolor to be exact. This is now what i do in the early hours of the morning to calm my healing soul. There is something in creating something beautiful from globs of paint and water... its relaxing and wonderful. This is my night now. Tubes of paint and water, just painting out my feelings, my worries, my fears, my saddness, but mostly my thoughts. Its incredible that when i pick up the brush i just forget what has happened in my day and life recently, it is just me the paper and the brush. working together to create good working together until i can fall asleep with out thought. Maybe its slightly wrong, not facing any of my thoughts but, it is therapeutic and its what i need.

Art. Art is what it is called, but to me its called healing.

Monday, June 6, 2011


A Shiny metal chain hung around my neck for the last million hours. didnt come off since the moment you gave it to me months ago... ingraved were "s" and "j". the letters beautifuly scribed rested on my chest. beat after beat the chain felt what it belonged to- not my neck but my heart... my heart. The chain represented more than money, a gift, silver jewelery... it represented my life - S&J.... tonight i had to give that precious gift back. i slowly unclasped the clasp and held it... but it was attached to my heart, so when i gently lowered the chain into your strong hand i placed my heart there too.. be kind please. because when i gave that back i was giving more than silver chain.