Wednesday, April 4, 2012
50 Days till graduation.
70 till i move out.
250 days till 4,000 miles.
Is this really where my life is headed?
so far away...
Maybe what i thought i once dreamed of is actually a nightmare causing me to lose sleep.
I know i know. stop it already.
but i will write anyway.
I complimented you everyday.
I made sure to show my love in your language.
I devoted myself to you...
how could we just walk away?
Dont all humans want to be loved?
Dont we all need a someone like that?
Isnt that what you want?
someone as a base all the time?
Was i not?
Cant you see what is happening here?
Is this really happening?
I know somewhere deep within you care..
Or at least i hope you do....
Am i too clingy?
Do i cry too much at silly things?
Am i not up to par in the looks, additude, or personality?
I would fix it... i would...
Look at what is coming so soon, look at the path ways we will live...
Are we coming to a close?
After all this...
just a lesson learned?
i dont want it to be a just a lesson.
I want it to be my life.
I want it to be the beautiful fairy tale for just a couple more months.
Wasnt it that at one point?
Is this really the end of the road?
No more stories, and memories?
My fingers are clasped so tightly to this... i just cant let my past go.
Im scared to just let EVERYTHING blow away in the wind.
I know what i want...
I am willing to fight for it, for you...
But i am also submissive to what you want.
It takes two to tango..
and i know that.
The picture is just unclear.
Just for this little while we may have left...
What we had was more than i had ever had before...
You are going to just watch me walk away?
You are going to just watch me board a plane?
RUN after me chase me down...
am i not worth fighting for?
I would leap into your arm if you held them open...
Im realizing why i run so far...
Its too hard to play this limbo....
Is this what you are waiting for?
Just before i go,
Wanting me to jump right when you say?
at the will that you want?
Is that what i want?
I dont like the power you have over me..
but at the slight chance that you will come back,
I want to say i was faithful all along.
Loyal. Forever and always. Even when it got hard.
But that is probably stupid...
Nothing for the long term i promise.
Just for the now, enjoying these last hours i have here...
Im going on adventures and so are you... too hard to keep in touch...
But for now, for now its not. Seize the moment, the day... the opportunity.
I understand patience, and i understand space, but time is running down to the wire.
Life is coming like a freight train.
Its a surreal feeling, realizing i may never see you again..
I want to soak up every moment i have left.. i want to just tap into that feeling once more.
I am sad to let one of the best things that ever happened to me go...
How can i just do that?
How can you just do it?
I will be good, i will be fun.
I will be all that you ever wanted...
Just take me..
Between those arms.
Just take me into your world while i still have time to visit.
what are we doing?
dancing around town playing hide and seek,
then finding eachother eventually?
I just cant wrap my head around this...
Is this really how its all ending.
Im leaving and you are leaving i get all of that...
So why not just enjoy the souls together while it can still happen?
where is the harm...
its scary to think that so much will change in the next couple of years. I want to hold on to the here and now. its been the happiest time to date... i... i dont know if i can just drop it... I may appear brave and couragous, but in all reality im scared out of my mind realizing that this is not a small feat that is about to happen... i know i will make the best of whatever happens down this new road.. but right now we all live on this same street... let me know you for a couple more months... i just need to know you for a couple more... i want to see you happy i want to be the one who makes you happy... i want to be the girl you are proud to say is yours just for a little longer... Ill be cute and funny, witty and charming, i will become silly when needed, and serious at other times. I will be your support, i will feed your hungry tummy.. i will do it. whatever it is. i will do it. pinky promise.
Time ticks by so quickly and before we all know it.. it will be too late.
and the moments will have passed by, blown away in the wind, not to be found again.
As the hours have passed i have remember all the good times...
Some of the bad too,
But i just long for the sense of adventure and playfulness while i am here...
I am terrified to let go all the good times of the last two years.
I dont think im quite ready to say goodbye...
4,000 miles is so far away..
250 days is so little time.