Wednesday, March 27, 2013

streaming in.


I like things in even numbers.
except seven.
and five.
Both favorites.
Call me OCD, I dont care-
Neither does my bedroom.
what a mess.
Sand in my hair, my ears, on my toes in my fingernails, sand everywhere.
The asians smell like sunscreen and look more white than the white girls- who reak of either maui babe, or aloe.
burned to a crisp
get fried fridays.
skip class
skip
skip skip...
skip skip skip... to class.
foster the people.
imagine dragons.
you.
Laughing.
Crying.
Trying.
Fighting.
Fear, terrified.
i love you.
whisper in your ear.
Faith.
Cant both exsist?
 they do...
i believe in both.
waiting, and not.
it fits. but does it?
calvin harris and the caf.
Two weeks.
New job- almost over.
Clams are nasty.
so are dreadlocks.
but i wont say that out loud.
bite your tounge.
necessary.
be civil, and kind.
waves... listen to me. listen to them lap up on the shore repeating themselves.
like me.
but not at all.
i want to be like the fish in the sea- free, beautiful, un-tempted.
working hard on me.
only 22 days.
even number- yet that one isn't as comforting.
rain and shine all in the same day.
all in the same moment.
laughing.
ice cream.
fake people, and genuine.
but i dont care either way.
long boards, short boards, skinny boards, pink boards, wood boards, land boards, surf boards, body boards even snow boards with wheels...
yet.
im walking.
or on a bike.
rust.
is.
everywhere if man made.
soft shores.
soft shores with you.
two people.
even numbers.
i like even numbers.
so do your parents.
promise.
promise rings.
futures.
turtles.
wedding dreams.
wedding.
wedding!
wedding?
no.
what it means... too much.
stop.
my head.
not now.
When did i grow up?
im not old.
i am young-
that is what everyone keeps telling me.
but thats getting old.
schoolwork
more like whatwork
lizards.
not really lizards, they are geckos
but lizard always spills out my mouth when i talk about them.
Rover, and king.
I miss my dog.
i miss home.
and seasons.
courtdelane
not how its spelled
to lazy.
its french.
je t'aime
language. culture.
barriers, walls, yet such topic of converstaion.
I dont speak chinese, my roommate doesnt speak english.
Awkward.
the only thing we have in common is
Ellen.
yes, the tv show.
i wish for a living room. a common area,
without a baby sitter.
tired.
so sleepy.
always.
yet,
no one sleeps.
no one heals.
scared knee cap.
two months being busted.
ew.
yum.
yummy.
so much food everywhere
grumbling tummy
old habits die hard
swimsuits.
bodies.
tanned skin- sun bleached hair.
marshmallow.
compare and contrast.
words ring in my mind.
alot.
alot alot.
i like it alot.
lisa.
Nicaragua.
22 days.
I like even numbers,
but maybe not this one.
Faith.
Fear.
cant both be real-
but they are.
wait.
please.
i beg of you.
yet.
understand if you cant.
heart flutters
heart hurts.
mind flutters
mind hurts.
yet peace.
Peaceful like the sight of the sea painted on the perfect blue backround of the sky.
clouds and rain, sun and moon.
airplanes.
diving.
nuts.
like macadamia.
your favorite.
i like to give you things.
but
I like even numbers.
i like even.
its fair.
simple and clean.
make it through these next couple of days, chin up baby girl.
adam fell that men might be,
happy.
Happiness.
have i found it?
am i just floating around accepting it as happy or am i genuinely happy.
it feels so different.
maybe the others where in vain.
and this is what it is supposed to actually feel like.
maturity.
growing up.
mind racing.
fingers flying.
money draining
time melting.
worries captivating
peace controlling.
...
someone tap into what i am streaming.
someone? anyone.
do i even want anyone anyways?
oh stop.
i dont even know anymore.
but i really do.
I like things in even numbers.
that is one thing i am positive of.
i like things in even numbers.