Tuesday, December 6, 2011


My hair flies in front of my face as I walk down the street
I keep my hands in my pockets and kick the pine cones just ahead of me.
I only let them go slightly a head so I can kick them again in just a couple steps.
The wind is whipping my scraf around and pulling my hair further and further out of my hat.
I walk west as the sun is setting.
Pinks and purples are smeared across the white thin clouds sitting on the light blue sky.
The last sun beams shine on the few remaining leaves holding on to branches high on the trees.

I feel ready.
Ready ready.
I roam on the road and in the caverns of my mind
I remember what I was doing this day last year... silly as it may be...

Dec 6 2010: I was not feeling too well, I had a cold, but it didn't matter, cause I was dating a darling boy. We ate lunch at his house that day. Pastrami sandwiches. I watched him make my sandwich, he did a little dance as he toasted the bread. I smiled. I smiled alot that day. He was my best friend. After finishing our lunch we cut some paper snow flakes and hung them in the kitchen windows. On december 6th 2010, i knew i was head over heals for that fellow. I thought he was perfection... and he was. We called eachother that evening after a concert i was in. We sat and talked for hours. What a wonderful close a busy day.

Odd that that was a year ago... doesnt seem like a year ago at all...

I wander on the road today and remember these small details.
They are gems that i have tucked away in the treasure chest of my memories.
I visit sometimes and can't help but smile, and other days i cry, but today i felt ready.


Ready to be on with my life.
Memories are some of the fondest things to my heart, they are the stories in my mind, and the feelings in my heart, but i dont need them. Of course life is much richer with them, but i dont need to live them any more. That is why i keep them as memories, to remember the present.
Today i relished in the nostolgia of last year and I smiled at how happy he made me and how love struck I was; I cried because I realized how blessed I was to ever have someone like that in my life but in the end I just felt ready.

Ready to move on in my life. On to, not neccesarily bigger and better, but different and wiser things. I am ready to put one foot in front of the other and be a different person then i was last year. I am ready to make steps in my life. Big steps. Responsible steps. Hard steps. Scary steps. But i am ready.

I have lived such a wonderful life, and i know that because of the memories i have stored away, but i am ready to live the next crazy and wonderful chapter in my life. With new characters, and settings, and conflicts, and solutions.I am ready for new Protagonists, and atogonists, and tactics and endings... I am ready... No need to rush i know. But when it does come and take over my life with new exciting things i will be ready. I am prepared.

As i walked and the cold air swept across my face, i couldnt help but feel like where i am in my life is exactly where i need to be, not living in my memories, not longing for them back. Not living waiting for the big change to come lift me off my feet. I am living my life just ready. Ready for whatever comes next.

Life can only be understood backwards. It must be lived forwards.
I am ready.

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