Haunted

"its not about the scars, its all about your heart"

yet... sometimes... i feel my scars define me... and cloud over my heart... and sometimes i feel like no one can look over them...

Im sorry... im so sorry...

My scars haunt me. and they ruin things going right. i hate you, i hate my scars, i dislike parts of the past, and dislike who i once was... yet... its not me anymore... its not me...

Its not about the scars... its about my heart...

and my heart has changed...

You make me me...

Im sorry, im so terribly sorry.

You have read it so many times... its in the word...

The mall is filled with crowds of people,
Minds set on what they want to get, on what they want to give.
Children are so excited the count down is FINALLY over!
The roads are being traveled to find snow and cold winter...

Santa clause is coming tonight for most of those little boys and girls...
Bringing big boxes filled with dreams hope wishes and surprises...
The Stocking are being stuffed with pointless little nick nacks and herseys candy.
All the silence is broken with footsteps herd on the roof...

Christmas you see, will be very different for me this year.
My tree naked underneath its needles...
My stocking still hung on the hanger... for it will not have a reason to be moved off..
The antisipation is not really here... cause i dont have excitment to wake in the morn..
Maybe except for the cinnamon rolls or that its stupid to sleep all day on christmas...

But you see, this christmas will be very different...

I sat in front of my naked tree just now... realizing that is how i will wake to it... naked and bare.
And as the tears rolled down my checks, feeling terribly sorry for myself...
I realized...
I had an "ah ha" moment..

Christmas...
"why must my family even have it this year?" i thought
Christmas...
"wait... christmas...."
Christmas...
"I know why we must have it" as i quickly whiped the tears off my sorry face and cleared the rock in my throught...

The meaning of christmas is not for us to be at the mall, nor is it to be awake all night not being able to sleep waiting for santa... Its not for the toys or the chocolate...

I cried as i looked at the star and realized what it was a representaion of... Christ...

And everything clicked.

The spirt of christmas is not in the mall or at the store...

The spirit of christmas is simply in the word.
And that is why i celebrate christmas this year...

For christ.

The spirit of christmas is the spirit of christ

And i let the tears leak on to my shirt as i remembered how truly blessed i am to even have what i do... i dont even possibly need anything else. i dont need stupid gifts that will be broken... or candy that will melt by the fire... i dont need wrapping paper and material things at all.... i have already been given the most beautiful gift of all.

I have him... i have christ.... i have the atonement... and that is all i need in this life.

I am greatful that my tree has not been crowed with silly things, I am thankful for the opportunity of not being cluttered with material things.... for i have been touched deeply this evening with the feelings that i should have had a long time ago...

My gift is more precious to me now than anything i could ever ask for... it was my gift... my one and only gift for christmas this year.

And who would have thought that my "very different", bare and naked christmas would have opened my eyes to my most cherished gift of all...

I want the cold stuff

Something is missing!....what happened...? but really? where is it?


Today is december 14... and this is unacceptable... I NEED MY SNOW!!!
(you see cause paper snowflakes just arent cutting it anymore...)


... haha "cutting it"... paper snowflakes... hah sometimes i am punny...
Thank you for laughing with me. :)...

COME ON ALL READY SNNNNOOOOOOOWWWWW!

Charting the Unplanned

Often times, the best moments take me by surprise.

You know, you think of the ideal situation and believe it would be better than anything... yet,

We both know those hardly ever happen so, in all honesty, its those moments unplanned-

The spontanious seconds in life that are my favorite.

I like it when it rains, when i wasnt expecting it, and i like it when it pours too.

I like unexpected visit of my sister when she rolls around to our house.

I like the folded socks on my bed that i dont remember getting.

I like it when a great meaningful song comes on and it is just what i need.

I like it when it gets cold and when i can see my breath all of a sudden.

I like deciding to do dounuts in the school field randomly.

I like when my dog licks my face when he sees me, even though he saw me 2 minutes ago.

I like that you just kinda showed up in my nothing to special of a life,

And yet, i like the most out of all of them, how hard i have fallen for you...

And how that just sorta happened...

I am quite fond of the spontanious, unplanned moments in life.
To me they make life worth living

What the Doctor Ordered

He who does not love life,

To him life is a taut

And rigid grasp.

He who loves life,

To him life is beautiful

And powerful clasp.

Teenage love + 70 years

I Drove down the road on a chilly winter day my hands purplish blue from holding the steering wheel, My car singing me all my favorite words, and i was singing along too when i spotted them.

You see i have this love for elderly people. I mean i really do. They are like little kids with old bodies and well, on that cold winter morning i saw the two of them walking together.

The Little old lady had on huge fluffy bright pink mittens. Her hair was the perfectly roller curly white, and her coat swallowed her. Over her ears she wore ear muffs the size of pillows... Truly darling.

The Little old man with his hunched over back, big rimmed glasses, a classy tan- knee length coat and little loafers, reminded me of my grandpa. I could see he was not balding cause he didnt have a hat on, just matching ear muffs.

And as if these two werent cute enough,

They were holding hands. Her pink fluffy mittens and his black leather gloves intangled together.... And like a circut, when they are connected, a light comes on, it shined above anything else on the street. The light was the huge denture smiles on each of there happy wrinkly faces..

I thought to myself as i drove past the two,

Some day i will be like you.

And smiled to myself at the treasure i had just seen.