Somedays are like today.

It is sad when people you know become people you knew.
When you can walk right past someone like they were never a part of your life.
How you used to talk all the time, and now all you can do is look the other way when you come across them.... or maybe just nod at eachother.

Today my heart hurts.

i miss parts of my old life.

i miss some things alot.

And today i realized it quite alot...

That i have hurt my heart when i was trying to fix it.



Today my heart hurts.

without title

Do you ever feel alone? yet, there are people all around you? Have you ever felt uncertain even though you know exactly what you are doing? have you ever longed to be loved but you know that you are more than you know... Why is it that somedays you must feel the way you do... and that no matter how you look at it, it just seems like a bad day... or week... huh... who knows! maybe its because i am sleepy and stressed and worried, or maybe its because i am a girl... but whatever it is... i guess that is just how i feel today...

Dont get me wrong, i know life is wonderful and i can see it is. it is a beautiful wonderful glorious thing... and i will appreciate it more in a few minutes... but for now i am going to go to bed and just let it all go. cause sometimes you just have to let things go and move on.

Just gotta let it out!

I have so much happiness, that I cant even try to write the way i truly feel. I have a continual feeling of peace, love, joy, excitement, modivation, determination, support, self respect. I thank those in my life that help a gal out like me. You are the reason that i have this feeling. I owe every person who has ever smiled at me a million smiles. I owe every person who has ever complimented me a million compliments. I owe every soul who has shared with me their feelings, a million heart felt conversations. I owe all those who have given me a gift, a million gifts more and a million times better. I owe all those who have lent an ear to listen to me in my deepest times, a million listening moments. I owe all those people in my life who are great examples, a million "thank you" 's for influencing my life for the better. I love this earth, I love my brother, I love my family, I love my dog, I love music and nice weather. Quite simply today i feel greatful for the wonderful life i have been blessed with. I love this life, and all those who surround me every day. I am a very lucky girl, one of the luckiest i would even dare to say. Thank you!

Double Baked Cookie Monster

We walked in a little bit late cause well, i had to shower. of course.

I clocked in as he washed his hands, then we switched and simlpy went our seperate ways.

I did my thing, he did his.

All night however as i walked the happy (and not so happy) customers to their tables, i was watchin him whenever i could. Stalker? Yes. Do i care? Hahah not at all. He is cute in his uniform :)

I waited for him in the car snuggled up in my big blanket just listening to the cd he gave me.

And when he finally came out with a big smile on his face, he hopped into the car and handed me a bag of two ultra large cookies... "we are going to make cookie monsters"... Excitment light up his eyes.

We walked into his kitchen. He scooped ice cream on our warm cookies. Then drizzled caramel sauce on the top of our cookie monster treats. We sat down and laughed. And smiled. And consumed our lovely plate of warm chocolate chip cookie, ice cream and caramel. yummy.

I wanted out of my work clothing. So he grabbed my hand and we skipped to get some clothes, and the cutie he is- He lent me his clothes just to wander around in. We snuggled up on the couch after his treats and changing and watched a movie. We pulled out his phone to text eachother silly little texts... but they werent really sent hah... we stole little kisses here and there. I watched his eyes light up when i would smile. I watched him out of the corner of my eye stroking my hand with his fingers. I could have laid there for forever and ever...

We closed his front door laughing as i ran in his oversized clothing to Alice (my car) and he chased me to her door. Curfew called me home and i had to depart... But as i pulled away he made a heart with those fimilar hands and wore that big grin on his face- the one he only gives to me... and i knew i would be just fine cause i had soaked up every minute of our time :)

I love those simple nights when the world is quiet and nothing much is planned but a Double baked cookie monster. Those are the best of the best Because it is Mostly smiles and laughter and silly little memories made. And that is price less :)

Wise Man

The girl sat in her overly large coat with her head hung low, and her heart heavy. Her face straight, but her soul sobbing deep inside... "how?" is what her head whispered in disbelief. It was the sinking feeling she had felt before. Her soul was punching her gut screaming "How stupid you are girl!!! How dare you call yourself worth a cent!! You're a disgrace, a joke, an embarrasment to those you know." She looked out at the dark night and took the blows of every punch and believed every word that was screamed in her head... Until a wise man came along to fix her thoughts, to change her perspective...

"I am not good! look at what has happened!" she yelled at the calm concerned face..
Softly the wise man said "You are good, dont say that"
Frusterated and unable to accept his words she challenged his statement....
"How!? How am i a good person!"
" What makes you good is not in what you have done, it's in what you do after..."
Refusing to accept this she quickly challenged again, " No if i were good i would not have done anything in the first place!!

Glowing, soft, brown eyes looked into her tear filled ones... He put out his hand to hold her face and whispered..." Good people make mistakes i know this because you have, yet, you are still a good soul, if you were not a good person, you would not be here crying.... you would not feel this way... if you were a bad person..."

She grew silent from the words whispered... he was right... She replayed all he had said...
She closed her eyes and soaked in the statement, the pure truth of the matter...
Minutes melted into the night, then...
The words "thank you" brushed off her lips...
That was exactly what she needed to hear...

Good people make mistakes too, in fact it is after the mistake where they show how good they truly are... it is in what they do after the fault that defines them, a "good" or "bad" person...


"Its not about your scars, its all about your heart."

Grasp

Hold on baby girl hold on tight.

In the darkest of days in the coldest of night,

You must never give up, you must hold on tight.

Hold on baby girl, hold on tight.

Your beatuy unfailing, your spirit so bright,

You must never give up you must hold on tight.

Hold on baby girl, hold on tight.

When your head and shoulders are heavy, keep them upright.

Its when things look the worst, when you must never give up and hold on tight.

Hold on baby girl, hold on tight.
Your mommy and daddy are here to make everything alright,
You must never give up, you must hold on tight.

Hold on baby girl, hold on tight.
Life is not all bad, take a moment for delight,
You must never give up, you must hold on tight.

Hold on baby girl, hold on tight.

Life can hurt, and be unfair but that is no need for spite,

You must never give up, you must hold on tight.

You must hold on tight,

Dont you worry, every wrong will become right,

That you wont have to cry yourself to sleep at night,

That everything will work out alright.

Your family and friends love you, more than you can see...

Do it for them, do it for God, do it for me...

But whatever happens next...

Hold on. hold on. hold on tight
You are strong enought to win this fight.

Hold on baby girl, hold on tight.
And everything will work out alright.

The Accurate Truth

Some may say that i have only lived here on this earth for a small amount of time, and i actually think i agree with them... for i am only a silly teenage human being, qualified as a "young adult" or a "young person"... with sometimes an occasional spur of the moment thought that controls a few of my next actions... and well i will take that name and allow it to define me for it seems quite accurate... i am a young person... and i love it.

Some may say that because i have only lived here a short time, that i do not understand alot of things this world has to offer, but i actually dont think that i agree on that statement... for you see, i do not believe that the mere number of your age, is not an accurate test to judge apon... I believe that no matter who you are or how old you have grown to be, that you can feel the exact same things that elders can feel... i know that some peers around me are just as wise as those so called smart 30 year old people...

Some may say that i dont know what it is that i want, but that is also untrue... for you see i am not defined by things that seem impossible, i am a person that takes my dreams and make them become reality... i know what it is i want... i know what it is that i am planning to become and all the future things i will fufill..

Some may ask why it is im actually writing this post... and i will simply say because i know one thing and, well sometimes my brain gets all side tracked trying to voice this thing one thing i know that is moving me to write...

So here it is... I may be a young person, i may have only lived here a short time, but i do know that through these years here on earth i have learned a few things... Like one, i know what i want, and two... sometimes you have to let go of things... of people... of ideas... And three that you have to feel hurt, and you have to know pain, and you have to feel lost, at least for a little to know the joy of this wonderful life we all have the opportunity to live... and four, love is real...

You were once a person i called my close friend, you were once a person i confided in, a person that i loved, and one that i trusted, we shared a lot of memories, a lot of stories... i attempted to guide you along the path... to help you solve problems, be there for you, offer you advice... countless hours we talked and laughed... but more than i would have liked i felt hurt by you... or like you only had time to listen to you... and not me... but i still called you a good friend awhile back, and for a long time... but today as i passed you driving in my car, with the love of my life sitting next to me, i realized that i may not know somethings, cause i have lived on earth a short time.... but i do know one or two... one: that you and i are just growing apart... and two i am okay with that...

And that is my accurate truth.

T o d a y

Just one of those days.

Tommorrow will be better.

But as for now, i will go indulge myself with chocolate, and reading, and listening to good music, and more .... hmm? ah ha!... yes more chocolate.