Icicles

The ice gleamed a soft pink color as the sun's last tired rays ventured into the caverns of the mountains. Melted and refrozen snowflakes speared off the roof of my house, perfectly framed by the window.

There I sat.

Watching the most beautiful display that the heavens offer freely every. single. evening.

The remarkable soft clouds silently slid across the sky and just for a moment.

The world was absolutely clear.

I wonder what the sun does as it shines on me.

Is there some spectacular display every evening?

Do the hues from the sky brush my checks and help other people feel?

Feel that same remarkable and breathtaking crystal clear peace heaven has to offer?

I am not aware of what it does to me, what I truly reflect.

But I am aware of the reflecting thoughts in caverns of my mind. 

The thousands of collective thoughts that were once spearing and cold

Have melted and allowed me to see. More.

Allow me to see the grand picture that is my life. 

Perfectly framed inside this thing we call a "body".

Perfectly capturing the essence of my soul.

As I watched the sun slowly tuck itself in behind the mountains it retires to every evening. 

I was at peace in all decisions and roads I have traveled on. 

The serenity of pink icicles held in its frozen bubbles the key to 

A peaceful me.

Although I miss certain frozen, captured moments of my history, 

I remember, those magnificent sculptures of me are not going anywhere. 

Safe and sound pink, orange and yellow hues reflecting in my mind.

Time to create new masterpieces.

Time to move forward.

Time to create more icicles.

Icicles of things that radiate and exemplify the beauty offered by the simple setting of a sun.

And the setting of the sun is

Something that happens everyday.

Today is the perfect day to start the rest of my life.

I am at peace on the roads I am headed down.

Allow the sun to set and the ice to melt, 

I am ready for the new day.

(Funny what a little frozen water can do when you stop to think)

Bloom

Honestly,

The time seems to seamlessly flow between the days like the little streams in the mountains here.

I love the cool autumn breeze brushing my face in the chilled October nights. 

I look back to where I have come from,

Where I planted my feet and bloomed this past year. 

I have been from sea to shining sea, and back again. 

And now I am home again nestled in between my mountain sounds and cozy by the fire in my birds nest.

I close my eyes and imagine all the things I thought would happen. 

All the flowers that I thought would be plucked.

I smile, as now I sit back and ponder, reflect, remember the beauty of the endless floral fields that I have actually had the great fortune to dance through.

All the colors and varieties of flowers that have grown beneath my feet.

Not plucking a stem, never stop the growth. Enjoy the beauty, but allow to better. Growing, beautiful.

Honestly,

The time is really just a number that allows me to reference when the seeds started to sprout.

"It does not matter the quantity, but more the quality" 

And I have had the most quality year to date. 

I feel beauty of life surround me, the richness and abundance of blessings.

I feel the sand between my toes and hear the soft mountain breeze whisper to remind me who I was made to be. 

One with you. 

One with me. 

One happy human.

One person on her way to who she needs to be.

My blonde memories tangled in salt and nostalgia warm my shoulders once again and that familiar feeling of home rings from the brilliant colors of the sun drenched clouds.

 I am where I need to be.

Honestly,

The time is not ticking against me, nor do I wear the watch.  It all continues on and the sundials master knows where to put my feet when to allow more fields to bloom. More dancing to be done. I am not sorry for what has happened. As my time really should just be his. It should melt and morph and become who I need to be. It all happens for a reason.  

I have been led my the hand and carried when its been hard. But I am here. 

And I will continue to go where the flower fields call my name.

So many more things to learn.

So many more things to nurture. 

So many more blooms to be made, and more love and memories to be had.

My soul smiles as I know that this time, is truly but a small minute.

All is well.

Honestly.

.the luckiest.

it was just like any other day, but i turned into the luckiest.

never imagined all this to last,

for the grip you hold is tight my dear

from the moment that you asked.

.i am the luckiest.

I wonder what you think when you lay your head down at night

my thoughts fly to you 

and smile in the moments of sweet reminisce 

my dear, your soul simply radiates light

.i am the luckiest. 

"ill be here waiting for your sweet and faithful return"

as you tucked it safe away

and you faithfully did

you wrote to never raise concern

and

i became the luckiest

if i could write the words that my soul truly knows

 i just simply cannot

for its too much to contain 

And a mere poem or song is all i can compose

you my darling boy turned me into 

the luckiest.

.i am the      luckiest.

and it is true my darling

my sweetheart

my love

you

 have taken

and claim the right to keep

my lucky little heart.

.i am the luckiest.

.forever and always.

.i love you.

Praises

There is a green hill far away
Without a city wall
Where the dear lord was crucified.

He died to save us all.

I wonder what I would have done,
If I had been there that day,
My Lord, my Savior, the Son...
Would I even be able to find words to say?
As he carried the cross that day.

I wonder what I would have said,
As the crowd would scream and mock
"Crucify the jew, the scum of the earth, dead!"
Would I be strong enough to not flock?
Even if I knew it was key for the Atonement to be unlocked?

I wonder what I would have thought
When they whipped the Savior of the world
Endless stripes that my redeemer wrought
Yet, all his love unfurled...

I wonder what I would have felt,
If I had been there under the cross
Pain, sadness, and gratitude as I knelt,
The world suffering its greatest loss...

I wonder what I would have cried
When they drove the nail through his hand
And rose my redeemer high above me as he died.
Would I have know this was planned?
Would I understand?

Do I yet understand?

I may not know everything about this scene, Nor do I know of the pains that the savior suffered. I can only imagine that they were excruciating. I am reverenced by the awe inspiring concept that this day brings. The gift that was given to every. single. one. of us. So we could return to our creator. The one being that knows you more than  you know yourself. The one being whose love for you is unconditional. Shivers dance down my spine as I am reminded that Christ has felt EVERYTHING I have felt.That he is completely aware of everything that hurts, and everything that is unjust. He is my best friend and best companion. I love the lord, and his sacrifice for the world.

Christ Died for ME on the cross that day. And I continue to wonder what I would have done, if i had witnessed it in person, Such a cruel and such a terrible event, yet it broke the bonds of sin, it allows me to be like him and live with him again some day. What a miraculous gift... And therefore, in its sadness I find the sweetest peace i have ever tasted... it makes me so overjoyed I can no longer express my words. I am so overcome with the peace and love it blesses my life with every day. I love the lord and his sacrifice for me. for you. for everyone. I am still continuously trying to find a deeper understanding of such a vast blessing, because i know i still do not fully understand.

The lord gave his life for me, and now I must return the favor.
I would be willing to die for him, but until I am faced with that decision, I will live for him- through him.

The lord gave me his life, and now I give him mine.

Lord I would follow thee.
and will serve the all the days of my life.

Happy Easter Daddy.

streaming in.

I like things in even numbers.
except seven.
and five.
Both favorites.
Call me OCD, I dont care-
Neither does my bedroom.
what a mess.
Sand in my hair, my ears, on my toes in my fingernails, sand everywhere.
The asians smell like sunscreen and look more white than the white girls- who reak of either maui babe, or aloe.
burned to a crisp
get fried fridays.
skip class
skip
skip skip...
skip skip skip... to class.
foster the people.
imagine dragons.
you.
Laughing.
Crying.
Trying.
Fighting.
Fear, terrified.
i love you.
whisper in your ear.
Faith.
Cant both exsist?
 they do...
i believe in both.
waiting, and not.
it fits. but does it?
calvin harris and the caf.
Two weeks.
New job- almost over.
Clams are nasty.
so are dreadlocks.
but i wont say that out loud.
bite your tounge.
necessary.
be civil, and kind.
waves... listen to me. listen to them lap up on the shore repeating themselves.
like me.
but not at all.
i want to be like the fish in the sea- free, beautiful, un-tempted.
working hard on me.
only 22 days.
even number- yet that one isn't as comforting.
rain and shine all in the same day.
all in the same moment.
laughing.
ice cream.
fake people, and genuine.
but i dont care either way.
long boards, short boards, skinny boards, pink boards, wood boards, land boards, surf boards, body boards even snow boards with wheels...
yet.
im walking.
or on a bike.
rust.
is.
everywhere if man made.
soft shores.
soft shores with you.
two people.
even numbers.
i like even numbers.
so do your parents.
promise.
promise rings.
futures.
turtles.
wedding dreams.
wedding.
wedding!
wedding?
no.
what it means... too much.
stop.
my head.
not now.
When did i grow up?
im not old.
i am young-
that is what everyone keeps telling me.
but thats getting old.
schoolwork
more like whatwork
lizards.
not really lizards, they are geckos
but lizard always spills out my mouth when i talk about them.
Rover, and king.
I miss my dog.
i miss home.
and seasons.
courtdelane
not how its spelled
to lazy.
its french.
je t'aime
language. culture.
barriers, walls, yet such topic of converstaion.
I dont speak chinese, my roommate doesnt speak english.
Awkward.
the only thing we have in common is
Ellen.
yes, the tv show.
i wish for a living room. a common area,
without a baby sitter.
tired.
so sleepy.
always.
yet,
no one sleeps.
no one heals.
scared knee cap.
two months being busted.
ew.
yum.
yummy.
so much food everywhere
grumbling tummy
old habits die hard
swimsuits.
bodies.
tanned skin- sun bleached hair.
marshmallow.
compare and contrast.
words ring in my mind.
alot.
alot alot.
i like it alot.
lisa.
Nicaragua.
22 days.
I like even numbers,
but maybe not this one.
Faith.
Fear.
cant both be real-
but they are.
wait.
please.
i beg of you.
yet.
understand if you cant.
heart flutters
heart hurts.
mind flutters
mind hurts.
yet peace.
Peaceful like the sight of the sea painted on the perfect blue backround of the sky.
clouds and rain, sun and moon.
airplanes.
diving.
nuts.
like macadamia.
your favorite.
i like to give you things.
but
I like even numbers.
i like even.
its fair.
simple and clean.
make it through these next couple of days, chin up baby girl.
adam fell that men might be,
happy.
Happiness.
have i found it?
am i just floating around accepting it as happy or am i genuinely happy.
it feels so different.
maybe the others where in vain.
and this is what it is supposed to actually feel like.
maturity.
growing up.
mind racing.
fingers flying.
money draining
time melting.
worries captivating
peace controlling.
...
someone tap into what i am streaming.
someone? anyone.
do i even want anyone anyways?
oh stop.
i dont even know anymore.
but i really do.
I like things in even numbers.
that is one thing i am positive of.
i like things in even numbers.

Tonka

Walk with me on the soft shores,

A place that we met.

Take me back to that moment in time,

Where you smiled at me with your whole soul.

One little dimple, on the right side of your cheek shown. 

Weave your fingers into mine,

Like we've done before.

Take my waist like you are not afraid,

Pull me close to you and never loosen your grip.

Tell me one of your silly stories,

One that makes me laugh.

Entrance me with those facial expressions of yours.

Smile at me with those big brown eyes until they wrinkle at the corners. 

Sing all the songs under your breath,

when looking at the stars.

Feel the sand on your back and me to your right,

Ill be there, next to you every day singing the words too.

Sometimes,

Not everything is meant to last for forever,

Sometimes,

It is just for the now, 

And sometimes,

That is all you really need.

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