gone

Thumps echoed through the empty house as she ran down the stairs.

Her patience was done.

In her room she saw her bags in the corner and threw them on her bed.

She ripped open the zipper to her traveling bags and shoved it all inside.

Piece after piece after piece after piece after piece after piece.

She had to go as fast as she could.

Anger, pain, betrayal, loss, sadness, hurt, jealousy, confusion, holding on, fear, heartbreak, memories, pictures, sayings... everything.

It didnt matter if it was too big or not she jammed it all inside her little bags.

She couldnt afford them out anymore.

So she zipped them all into her bags.

She threw the bags over her shoulders and huffed up the stairs.

It was time. It was her day. She was in charge.

She threw her bag in the car and sped down the road.

Her train was calling.

With the one way ticket in hand she parked at the station and gathered her baggage.

And then she saw it. Her freedom; her beautiful train.

The train was long and shone in the sun.

It was full of excitment, and people, and wonder, set to go far away.

Perfection on a track.

She pulled the bags on the train and loaded them above an empty seat.

As she walked down the isle back to the door she entered from, a smile shone on her face.

She watched the beautiful train pull out from the station carrying her heavy baggage.

She smiled bigger than before.

The baggage she had carried around for far too long wasnt coming back.

It couldnt. Cause she wasnt with it any more.

She watched the beautiful train pull out of the staion and smiled,

Knowing that she was finally free from all her baggage that used to be.

Simply Favorite

Welcome Fall. I love you, and so do my boots, hats, scarfs, and sweaters. We are all just so tickled you're finally here :)

;

Once upon a time there was a boy who was loved by a little girl.


She loved his positive additude and the smile he smiled her way with his eyes.
She loved his respect for women and for his preisthood.
She loved his funny little moods he would get in.
She loved how he cared for her and listened to what she had to say.
She loved how he had standards and followed them. no matter what.
She loved that he had never kissed a girl so he could get a gold CTR ring on his 16th birthday.
She loved that he wore his armor of god on a dog tag around his neck every day.
She loved that he had qutoes on his bedroom walls to uplift him and guide.
She loved that he had a testimony.
She loved how much he wanted to serve a mission and how focused he was on that.
She loved his family and how loving they were.
She loved how humble he was.
She loved his clean language.
She loved his clean thoughts.
She loved that he could always make her smile.
She loved that he was honest and helpful.
She loved that he would compliment her every day.
She loved that he openly loved his mommy and would talk about her like she was an angel..
She loved that he had so many stories to share with her.
She loved how thoughtful his gifts were.
She loved how you could ALWAYS see that glow in his eyes..
She loved him because he was good... good for her... good for him... good for god...
He was good people and had his life figured out.


but it is a sad day when you realize that your "once upon a time"- "knight in shining armour" has taken down his gaurd alittle and slowly let things in to change him...
Where did that boy go?
The one that i once respected so much?
The boy who had it all figured out..
That one...
Where did he go?
Why did he let down his gaurd...
He was on the right track....
He led me to the light...
I want that righteous fellow back...
The one i used to be amazed by his strength and determination...
I miss that continuious light that shone in his eyes like it once did..
Where is that boy that made a hard decision just to focus?
Where is the drive he had just four months ago to make himself his best self?
Where did that hidden treasure go?....
why did he have to change.. ever so slowly...

please....
come back...
Not even for me...
It just breaks my heart when i know what you could be.
You were on the right track with your scriptures and your case.
And that ever glowing smile, that sat across your face.
Please...
PLEASE come back...
I know it cant be for me...
But it just breaks my heart when i know what your supposed to be
Think of all the people that will be affected by what you are doing today
They listen to you and wait to hear every word that you say.
Please....
please come back...
you were everything a little girl had ever wanted
but now that this person is missing... her memory is haunted
with memories of someone who used to be...
So
Please...
Please i beg for you to open your eyes..
for my words they do not dispise.

But please listen...
Cause im one of your biggest fans...
Rooting for you...
Waiting to smile at your life's success, in whatever it may end up being...
I know your potential and i want you to not settle for less...
I said i would care for you always, and those words will be true...
Cause i will always love the good that you do...
I saw that bright light in you, and the good choices that you made.
That knight in shiny armour and how you were brave..



I listened to what you wanted yourself to be someday...
So remember... someday is the future, and your futures today.




I believe in you.

Hello my familliar stranger

I think about you alot now a days dear
Thinking its not too long until your actually here
You and I dont speak every day
But if we did this is what i would say...


I want you to know that i love you very much
That i think about you often
And i imagine your sweet gentle touch.


I want you to know that im always praying for you
That i wish for you the best
And i wonder if you think of me too.


I want you to know that your amazing and funny
That you're incredibly handsome
And that i honestly dont care if you have money.


I want you to know that im making me my best self
So that im everything you need
And so that who i am will match with yourself.


I want you to know that im excited for you and me
That just around the corner we will be
And that together we will be so so so happy...


I think about you alot dear
Where ever you are ...
Whoever you are...
Whatever you want...
And
Whenever i meet you... if its next year or five from now...


I want you to know that i love you very much and im proud of you already.
I really do pray for your happiness and for your safety and for your choices...
You mean more to me than alot of things right now, and i know that is silly but...
If your someday gonna be my everything, why not let you know that i love you...
cause i already know that i do. :)


My dear hubby, im excited to meet you- whoever you are.


(insert us here)

This is the sound of Silence

I scream silence day by day.

from the start of this all i've swallowed my sadness.

from the begining of this all i've only cried in the corners.

from the first day i've tried to hide my torn heart.

from the begining of this all i've said sure whatever you say.

I scream silence everyday

My head yells to my heart to speak up you stupid girl.

But my heart yells back, no. It might hurt.

I scream silence day by day.

from the start of this i've tip toed around town

from the begining of this all i've been afraid of fear.

from this all happening i've taken in the tourment.

from the first day of this i've wallowed and let you walk on by.

I SCREAM silence everyday.

My mind wants to open my mouth and say how unfair this all is,

but my heart wants to break down and cry, afraid of making it worse.

So i scream my silence day by day.

Like a good little girl does.

keep it bottled up.

cause that way,

im the only one that has to deal with me...

why cant i just speak up...

when do i get my turn to speak,

when do i get a say in what happens..

when do i get to make a rule

when do i get to make you feel,

why cant i just say what i want too?

and i think i've realized why,

its because i am afraid of you...

Im afraid to make it worse,

Im scared to feel foolish.

Im afraid to be made fun of.

Im scared of what will be said.

Im afraid it wont make sense..

Im terrified you wont understand

I am scared that i will never speak up...

Why cant i just speak up...

Why must i scream my silence day by day?

Someday

Pumping, pushing, driving me on.
Dont stop me.
I AM beautiful.
I AM funny.
I AM exciting.
I AM responsible.
I AM carefree.
I AM honest.
I AM Steffany Laurel Bird.

...And this is what gets me through...

Someday i will be loved and love so deeply.
Someday i will have a white picket fence.
Someday i will have little girls in piggy tails laughing with the dog in the yard.
Someday i will smile at sky the and remember what i thought would bring me happiness. Then i will smile bigger cause i am so much happier with what i have.
Someday i will read my personal poetry for strangers. They will snap.
Someday i will sleep under the stars next to my dream boat.
Someday i will make a dress that will look beautiful on me.
Someday i will write a book.
Someday i will read a book, in my home library.
Someday i will get in the car and just go go wherever the road goes.
Someday i will learn to surf. I will crash. I will taste salt water, but i will learn.
Someday i will run a marathon. then i will go sleep.
Someday i will visit new zealand.
Someday i will raise my children.
Someday i will get old and have sunday dinners for those that i love.
Someday i will learn to speak another language.
Someday i will have a bird. and he will live longer than 2 weeks.
Someday i will sing at my wedding and slow dance with my daddy.
Someday i will serve a mission.
Someday i will make cinnamon rolls on christmas.
Someday i will have spiral staircases in my home.
Someday i will kiss like they do in the movies in the rain.
Someday i will get over my fear of fish.
Someday i will take all day hiking but have a picnic on the top of a mountain.
Someday i will chase a rainbow.
Someday i will dance in the road like a loon but not care cause the moment was perfect for dancing.
Someday i will love my life even more than i do now.

Someday i WILL.


Someday is tommorrow.. and the next day... and four years down the road. Someday is when i decide, but its coming, No its here! Because i believe in me.


So stop! Get out of my way, i am on to bigger and better things. im leaving this behind. I buried everything in the back yard- Cause i dont need it. not one bit. I am me. I know what i want and that is all that matters. So stop get out of my way world. Cause my someday has arrived.

Hold me

You know when you give it your all and its still not enough.

When you hold back your tears even though its tough.

You know when you smile its becuase you know you shouldnt cry

When you gave it your all but your left alone to sigh.

Today was kinda hard for me.

I am okay... I know i will be.

But as for now i miss you and wish you would hold me.

You know when you give it your all but you come up short

When you've put in your due to lead, but your only support.

You know when your parents say "are you okay?"

And when a weak "yeah" is all you can say.

Today was kinda hard for me.

I am okay, or at least i know i will be.

But as for this moment i wish you would hold me.

You know when you give it everything you got

But still in the backround you get caught.

You know when you tell yourself not to let it get to you

But you cant let the negative thoughts pass through...

Today was kinda hard for me i will admit.

But you know its in these days

We have to remember how beautiful we are.

That we are golden stars.

Just waiting to shine our rays.

Its this kind of day were you must just change your perspective alittle.

You should realize that life can and will be rough

So i suggest...

Pray to daddy to help you through...

He knows when you give it your all and its not enough

... but he also knows its not as rough if you follow the path he made for you...

Today was alittle hard for me.

I will be okay.

But im still gonna say,

I wish you could hold me... until im fully okay.

Guardian Angels

Over 3 thousand angels went back home ten years ago.
Daddy called them home without warning...


Today as i have thought of what has already been stated about this day, i thought of something that i would like to share. I dedicate this to those mothers who are crying today thinking of their lost son or daughter. I dedicate this to the children of the valiant firefighters. I dedicate this to the widows who are alone today. I dedicate this to the angels of 9/11. Daddy loves you, and your angels look down to watch over you today.


From the 87th floor a man waved his coat from the window. Flames where at his ankles and smoke above his head. In his last moments of life he threw his coat and took the determind step to attempt to climb down the 87 floors... when his fingers lost their grip daddy carried him home...


A father ran into the ruins to find his son, hoping that with every dust covered face his sons would be the next... The father was a fighter. A fire fighter. But he never found that familar face again. Daddy took his son home.


Smoke filled a feild in virgina... the men on the plane called their wives to say "dont worry, i love you" then they flooded the cockpit... they flew home to daddy.


The street littered with shoes made a muslim man stumble. He fell on his face. The tower fell behind him waiting to devour his body under its mass... but A jewish man ran by him and turned around, he held out his hand and helped a muslim man get up... his only words were "come on brother"...


Today is a day to remember those who fought. Today is a day to remember those who helped. Today is a day to remember what life is really about. It is a day of reverence.


When faced with a trial it shows who we really are. Ten years ago today, many changed their view on the world.


There is a sight just across the street from ground zero that i have been too. Tears are the only appropirate thing when you see the walls of ruins. When you see the names of the angels writen on the walls. When you see the ten thousand paper cranes made by the victims family members.

There is a real feeling of despair.


But life is not about despair. It is not about what you have lost or what you do not have. To me everything in life happens for a reason, and this day ten years ago, brought america together. It brought detemination. It brought change, re evalutaion of ones self. To me 9/11 was not to bring america to its knees but rather to make us stand and stand strong for something we care deeply about.

Over 3 thousand angels went home because daddy wanted them back.


Today i reflect on what i would have done if i were there that day.. Today i see the world differently. And i want to be different too... I want to be a fighter, like the father looking for his son. I want to brave like the man climbing the burning building. I want to tell those i love, that i love them because i'll never know when i will lose them. I want to help out my fellow brothers and sisters live and escape the deepest of dispair.


I dedicate this, my life, to those who went back to daddy trying to be like him.

To those who lost a loved one this day... they did not die in vain, they represent this beautiful place and strong nation of americans. They are the heros in our lives. Dont worry they are with daddy being our gardian angels.