Saturday, February 6, 2010

Living the White

My point of view is totally altered.

Its weird.

For so long to think only one way. To want with all your heart only one thing. All the thoughts circling around in your head really orbiting this main thought. Your little heart keeps beating and pumping, working so hard thinking that it is one beat closer to the day something could happen. Walking each step thinking you are one foot closer to the dream on your horizon. Living each day to be 24 hours closer to what your whole body aches for. For so long thinking that way, its weird to not care after the span of 36 hours. It is so wrong in my heart but so perfect for my head. For so long i knew one thing like the back of my hand, i knew everything just about, i was an expert. I was a professional, even though finding out every bit of information hurt sometimes, i let it pass by cause i was fully invested. I thought i would be this genuis on a subject for the rest of my life. For so long i told my self i would be. And it is weird to think that i never really was the expert i thought i was. Its weird to have my whole life changed in a couple of days. Its weird that i want this too. Its weird that i dont want to live for one thing anymore, after only wanting it for soo long. It is weird to think a different mind set. Its weird that all my thoughts all my actions are different know. Its weird to be the girl that i was 2 years ago again... but i missed her, i missed her alot. I was held hostage in my head with all my own thoughts and dreams. Its weird to think that i couldnt let go before now. Cause i really did miss this old me. Its weird to think that i took all the nessecarry steps to really make this girl come back for good. For so long i thought that i was the same person just with a different desire. I realize now that even though my life is totally altered, my thoughts of me being the same person through all this was altered too. This has changed me. And that is weird to think. But i have to think about it. I really do.

It was good and bad. For so long it was good. For so long it was bad. But lessons are learned. They are. And its weird to think that i can over come this. Not because i have to, but because i want to. I miss the old me. And for a little while this will feel weird, and reflect the thoughts in my head, but this will ultimately be best for the little girl that has been trapped. That girl inside me screaming to come out, dying, gasping for breath... She is free. I will be free. I will not go back. I will not, all for the little girl inside me.

Fly little bloo bird, fly fly fly!

Spread your wings and come out of the shell that has been covering you. Fly and touch the sky.

Fly little bloo bird. Fly, fly, fly.

Never forget to fly.

1 comment:

  1. i missed her to. i missed her a lot. i'm so so so glad she is back! :)