Thursday, December 3, 2009

Im not deaf

Seeing Smelling Tasting Touching,
Hearing is not any different for me.
I can hear you as you say your sorry.
I can hear you when you say
You never ment to hurt me the way you did.
I hear you. Loud and clear.
I do not doubt that you are sorry,
Cause i know that you are.
I hear those words every time you say them.
I hear them every time.
I love to hear those words.
But hearing them is hard, still. No matter what or how many times its shared.
I hear the crack in your voice as you are hopless,
Cause i can see that you have no idea what to do.
What to say, how to fix it so it will go away.
And when i hear you, i want to scream i love you, i am sorry too,
But you are right, and i have no idea why, why i keep doing this,
I tell myself to stop stop it... but i never turns out that way,
Because i am scared to be treated that way again...
It doesnt make sense i know,
But maybe just maybe if i can keep this tention here,
That you will feel bad enough for what you did and never do it again...
I know you wont and that is why it doesnt make sense.
But i have been so hurt like you said, just like you said.
I heard that word depressed or sad. Lost confused or mad. Take a pick.
I am those words.
But i know you where those terrible words first,
The words of sadness and confusion and hurt and pain.
I know you were those words first, so why do i press them?
Cause, well because,
I am still hurt and working on the process of
Collecting my heart and putting it back together.
The one that two people i love, tore apart.
So im sorry it is taking so long,
I hear those words that come my way.
I hear them but it still doesnt change how hurt
How different
How sad
How upset i am about all this.
I am trying my hardest every single day,
To make all this crap we have been through go away.
Cause the situation is in my hands,
I wouldve never taken it
But i have to find space to put it down.
I am trying.
I am trying.
Trying so hard.
I want to respond to those words i hear,
With words that you can.
But be patient with me,
Give me that cause right now that is all i need.
All i need,
I heard those words ringing in my head everyday,
I hear them loud and clear.
And they are the words that push me forward to fix this.
So now use your ears,
I love you,
Give me time.
I am not deaf
Cause i hear those words.

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